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[justdontknow]

Think i posted in the wrong forum to start off with as i've drunk a fair amount of gin and i'm not really thinking things through. Not the best way to make a good first impression. I'm Michelle and I'm just so tired. I know my story won't be as bad as most of yours. And I am so sorry for what you've all been through. I don't think I really belong here but I'll look into it. Hope you're all ok. Hugs even though i'm not a huggy person xxx

[Lilfae]

Welcome Michelle. Your story and your struggles are just as important as ours. I am sure there are many of us who feels like our story isnt "as bad as others". But that doesnt mean its not painful. I hope you can get some support here and find some healing

[Blueberry]

You don't have to make a good first impression here! That's not what we're about. I read your other post and it certainly seems to me with your story that that's quite enough to have developed C-PTSD! Even if you don't have a formal diagnosis, you can read and post on here.

So if reading and posting on here helps, do that!

In fact it's pretty common on here to think our childhoods and/or problems now aren't/weren't 'bad enough'. So join the club. 

[AphoticAtramentous]

Welcome to the forum. ^-^ As others said, no need to make a good first impression. Just say what you want to say, we're here to listen.

[alisoncan]

Hey- I want to hear your story. Gin or no gin.
But what kind? I like Bombay Sapphire

[Three Roses]

welcome, justdontknow! we understand the draw that alcohol and other numbing agents have for us - numbing, whether it be a substance or activity. No one here will judge you for that! But we do place an emphasis on recovery and healing, and do not recognize any benefits of alcohol in that area.

I hope you stay and continue to post, i'm looking forward to hearing more from you! 

[justdontknow]

Thanks everyone. I still don't know if I have this or not.

alisoncan, it was Gordons as there was a deal on. I need to try Bombay Saphire. It's usually more expensive so i don't go for it.

Three Roses, I totally agree. I've been concerned about the amount of alcohol I've drunk in the past and do not advocate drinking alcohol to deal with problems at all. I know it can be a slippery slope and i know i'm lucky i haven't gone too far. It would be my way to deal with stuff from around the age of 16 but I feel like it's aged me a lot and I'm scared about damaging my brain or something but i'd always justify it like 'well if my sister hadn't attacked me today i wouldn't need to drink this much; my mum screamed she was going to kill herself earlier and i need a strong drink to deal with that'. I'd justify it as letting my hair down with my friend and dancing all night to blank everything out. Social drinking on nights out was always encouraged by other people my age so i never saw my behaviour as that abnormal. It was just the reasons i drunk as much as i drunk and the fact that i guess a lot of people have one or two nights where they overdo it but vomiting on a night out would just be normal for me. One time I woke up on a nightclub toilet floor in a pool of my own vomit after being unconscious for i don't know how long. i think a bouncer had to break the door down because the nightclub was closing and they wanted everyone out. It's at that point i realised i needed to calm down on the drinking and not start if i'm not able to stop. It wasn't my classiest moment and i was pretty mortified as i had a reputation as a good student in my year, not an out of control drinker. I've generally been a lot better since. I've got better grades because i haven't been out drinking and nursing hangovers for a while but admittedly that was because of my abusive ex who didn't like me going out and it wasn't worth the aggro.