An Unfortunate Return

[AphoticAtramentous]

I thought I wouldn't hurt myself again because my mentality lately has just been; "It doesn't matter what I do anyway". But I guess not. It's been at least a few months since I last self-harmed and it's unfortunate I broke that streak today. The EF seemed to hit me in all the most sensitive places and I just felt I needed some kind of punishment for being so lazy and selfish. But then of course, once the EF has passed I realize there was no real reason to be punished and now I'm just left with the marks and pain.

[Trigger Warning]
I use my nails to hurt myself because it doesn't really leave a mark compared to an actual cut with a knife. Though it's been a good few hours now and the marks are still there, so I guess I dug too deep this time. I'm worried though that they'll still be there by the time I need to go to work tomorrow. I don't want to have to worry constantly about my sleeve going up too high and showing too much of my arm. What a mess...
[End Trigger Warning]

On a random tangent; I started self harming years ago ironically from reading a book about how a teenager overcame her self harming habits. Oops. 

On the bright side of things though I'm finally being productive. Got another music composition finished and I'm drawing something to go along with it. Hopefully the motivation keeps up.

[Blueberry]

I'm sorry, Aphotic. Standing with you. I'm a self-harmer too, though not with a knife either.

It's good to hear that your creativity is up and running again. 

[Three Roses]

What's that saying, "it's not how many times you fall but how many times you get back up". 

[AphoticAtramentous]

I'm sorry, Aphotic. Standing with you. I'm a self-harmer too, though not with a knife either.

It's good to hear that your creativity is up and running again. 

Thank you Blueberry. Your reply means a lot. 

What's that saying, "it's not how many times you fall but how many times you get back up". 

I shall try and remember that one Three Roses. Thank you. 

On a good note, it took a while but the marks are relatively all faded now so I can go to work without any worry. ^^ Hooray.

[Dee]

I have tried to make plans to guard against relapse behaviors.  With that said, I am often told it isn't if relapse happens, it's when it happens, what I do then.  The answer is to get back to work and preventing it.  I like the saying I heard, "don't give yourself a hard time for having a hard time."

[AphoticAtramentous]

I have tried to make plans to guard against relapse behaviors.  With that said, I am often told it isn't if relapse happens, it's when it happens, what I do then.  The answer is to get back to work and preventing it.  I like the saying I heard, "don't give yourself a hard time for having a hard time."

"don't give yourself a hard time for having a hard time." - love it, Dee. Thanks for sharing that. Will need to remember that one too. Thanks for the reply.