Things They Said

[AphoticAtramentous]

[Trigger Warning for Thread]

So, just a thread idea. Don't know if it's a good idea or not haha, but I guess we'll see.
Every now and then I randomly get these sort of flashbacks to things my abusers/FOO/ex has said to me before. They kinda stew in my mind and it's horrible, so I thought of making a thread where you can 'unload' those things. Just a sentence or two of whatever hurt you, whatever's on your mind.

"If you're sick, you stay home and clean the whole house. If you're not going to be doing schoolwork, you might as well be doing some other work instead."
- My FOO, as caring as always... (rolls eyes)

[JayDubs]

Could this be loaded with triggers?    About 4/5 years ago I had a big break with visual and emotional flashbacks.   They came pouring out and it was ugly.  Always find it interesting too that during the rare times I talk to someone about these things every individual incident could come across as a complain.  Except for maybe the PA.   The quotes themselves sometimes do not give the background, tone, etc.

Trying to come up with some goodies -
"Hope you have a child just like you"
"You never finish anything" <-- 18 yrs old working out a conflict with the 3 jobs I had.
"Why would anyone want you back?"  <-- when a company made a huge offer for me to come back for them.   
"...sugar and spice...and puppy dog tails"  <-- sign hanging front and center in the bathroom.  Know the quote?  Yep, it had intent.

[Three Roses]

Good idea for a thread! I added a trigger warning at the start.

My F: "I was always disappointed in you as a daughter."

[JayDubs]

And how about a thread of things they never said?
"Are you okay?"
"Congratulations"
"Good job"

M-> "You aren't very smart.  You will have to join the military"   The irony is I did join the military to escape and for independence.  They tested my IQ twice 

[Lilfae]

The countless times I've heard "You are overreacting", from my FOO and all my exes (the good and the bad ones) Maybe I have overreacted at times, but that does invalidate that I react in the first place.  And somehow this never applies when it was positive emotions. Kind of taught me my emotions doesnt really count.

[AphoticAtramentous]

And how about a thread of things they never said?
"Are you okay?"
"Congratulations"
"Good job"

That would be an endless thread, JayDubs.

I put a little trigger warning at the start of the thread, hope it's alright like that. I don't know how to edit the title of the thread/if I can edit the title of the thread, I would have put it there if I could.

"You make my life so difficult."
- M
It's okay M, you make my life difficult too. lol

[Blueberry]

It's okay M, you make my life difficult too. lol

[JayDubs]

This thread made me think of things I may have said to my own child too.   Going for some introspection..

The gaslighting ones are probably the worst.  For some reason I think invalidation is devastating.  So with that being said..
M&F -> "You have selective memory"
M to family and friends -> "I think he (me) is schizophrenic"   The sarcastic adult me in return "Ummm, then let's go see a doctor" 

[Three Roses]

This thread made me think of things I may have said to my own child too.   Going for some introspection..

yes me too. the difference being, we will do some introspection and go back to our kids and try to correct our mistakes. these things were never done - where i could see them, anyway - by my parents.

everyone makes mistakes and says things they wish they hadn't. while we're alive, we can correct that.

[AphoticAtramentous]

It's okay M, you make my life difficult too. lol

Glad to give you a giggle there, Blueberry.

M to family and friends -> "I think he (me) is schizophrenic"   The sarcastic adult me in return "Ummm, then let's go see a doctor" 

Wow. >.> What a thing to say about your kids. Like it's just fuel for gossip. Ugh.

-----

When I was younger I had difficulties keeping things clean, either forgot or wasn't motivated to clean. Parents liked to use this against me.
"Why are you like this? You are the only child in the world who is THIS filthy."
- My F. Said this quite a lot. Way to make me feel so alienated. :\

[Sceal]

"That is normal. Everyone feels like that"

[Elphanigh]

This is a great thread. Thank you for starting it. There are numerous things that mine have said that stick out.

I think there is a trigger warning on the thread but here is one just in case
*trigger warning*

"You're my princess" "this is all you are good for" "you're my favorite helper" "stop crying, no one cares"

Etc... just to show the back and forth of all of my abusers

[ah]

Urm... I'm not sure if I should add to this thread, because it may be pretty triggering. Maybe just a few. And they'll maybe be a little ugly.

*Trigger warning*

* You're only alive on a whim, for now I keep you alive but if ever in the middle of the night I decide you should be dead then I'll come in and take care of it. I'll just turn a switch off and you're dead. I decide. You'll never know when.
* You're my extension, you don't exist. I decide what you feel, I program your emotions into you. I turn them on and off, I control you.
* I'm going to sue you for the money I put into your education, you didn't deliver. You're a complete failure, it was expensive, I want my money back. I calculated it, here's the figure: ___
* You'd filthy the air in the room if you come to any family gathering, we don't invite you because your siblings would refuse to stay in the room for one minute if you were there.
* At our last family gathering we discussed the problem, that is, You. It was decided that when you'll come begging in the future it'll need to be done behind people's backs because no one will have anything to do with you, not even that way.
* You waste oxygen that should have gone to normal people. According to nature you're a mistake, you should have died long ago.

Not sure what to add to such magnificence of sadism and wit except *Yikes*

[woodsgnome]

"What they said" would fill several volumes in my old story. Unfortunately once the words start they accumulate 'til they resemble a roaring waterfall; but I'd rather hear the water's cascade anyday than have those voices be reanimated--they haunt my dreams like a poisoned stream. I just wish they didn't slip into the current story so easily. Although both sides of the coin were in full evidence; what was not said could be just as telling.

My kid self tried, for a while, to be the proverbial good kid, but it got old when the only reaction was along the lines of: "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Which was never good enough anyway--the message was don't even try, you won't be believed, any of your feelings are invalid. Sometimes the followup cut worse: "you have nothing to say,...  just shut up...we don't need you, and don't want you". Doesn't get any clearer than that  .

I had 2 sets of abusers--the FOO and the teachers at religious schools, one of whom always ended all dealings with me by saying something similar to "god [he pronounced it to sound like a booming GAAAWD; to where I called him (secretly) Sir GAWDawful]...knows you're a fool, and will never forgive you". Huh? As in...it's why I always tell people I had a front row seat at the circus of hypocrisy.

One time a teacher used a ruse to get me to accept his ride to my home. Turns out he was just itching to rant to my parents about my wasted soul or some such. He did his usual "you may think you're fooling us, but there's someone up there who knows", he rattled as he pointed to the ceiling. I felt like pointing out that we didn't have a second floor in that house but he wouldn't have noticed in his eloquent sputterings. He also would have been chagrined as when he left it was back to 'ignore the kid' on the parents part; as by that time their preferred form of abuse had turned to emotional abandonment...in one sense that was a good thing, as the old abuses were far worse.

There's too many other times, but one that floats in was once when my f found me literally just slumped in the basement, shaking in fits of grief about who knows what--I was just majorly depressed. So he observes, "You're lonely"; if I'd had enough sarcasm in me I might have responded with something like "ya right, you've noticed...DO SOMETHING about it". But he wandered on by, as if it/I was no big deal, completely oblivious to a teen literally crying out for help. He didn't have a clue. The m was worse, as the one-time real molester of the two; but I'm left utterly speechless in that regard, a fitting silence for a thread about things that were said, in words, actions, and even silences.

Of course they were just one aspect, but words and attitudes like those perhaps contribute to my careful side with words today. What to say...how to say it...and will I even be believed anyway...they're both the question and answer to the inner turmoil when I get sucked down into remembering those times...and I forget to leave them in the 'old' story. One of these days I think I need to burn that old story in the firepit over at 'the porch'.

[AphoticAtramentous]

"That is normal. Everyone feels like that"

Geez, I got this a lot too. :\ For both physical and mental problems.

"You're my princess" "this is all you are good for" "you're my favorite helper" "stop crying, no one cares"

Etc... just to show the back and forth of all of my abusers

Wow, Elphanigh. How frustrating that must have been...

@Ah: My goodness, what harshness! I'm horrified, honestly.  How dare they say such things about you.

@Woodsgnome:

Which was never good enough anyway--the message was don't even try, you won't be believed, any of your feelings are invalid.

I really understand this. I very much had the same feeling growing up, to not even want to try because nobody cared and I was worthless.
Thanks for sharing all this though. I feel for you. ^^

My own addition:
Whenever my FOO asked me to do something but I was feeling ill, I would tell them that I wasn't feeling the best and 95% of the time they responded with;
"Doesn't matter, stop making up excuses and do what you're told."
I want to one day be sick and be allowed to rest in bed... that would be nice. I swear, most of the time I felt like their personal slave rather than their child.