Things They Said

[Blueberry]

"You are the only children in the world who fight this much." from M and F to me and B1. I believed that at the time.

How did they imagine they knew? And why didn't they try and teach us better 'conflict management'? Answer to 2nd question: because they can't do conflict management either.

[DecimalRocket]

Hey guys, I thought I'd say that you guys are doing a great job opening up here.

I haven't read these though, since I'm rather weary and reading these would be overwhelming for me now, but just thought I'd say take care, guys.

[BlancaLap]

"If you are suffering it's only because you want to"
"That happened a long time ago, just forget it"
"Why do you do this to me, after everything I have done?" Lol do what, being sad and not wanting to talk to anybody
This are things my M has said to me.
Of course there are more and more from my aunts, my grandparents, mi brother, and my past classmates, especially my past classmates:
"You are always seeking attention and being the victim, why?"
"You are stupid, ugly, fat, a cow (fat), a wallflower"
"You are so shy, why are you so shy?"
"Why are you such a wallflower?"
"What's wrong with your face"
"OMG, again crying, what a loser"
"Why are you always the last one to quit the class? Are you a burglar or what? Burglar! Burglar!" Lol, I never stole anything, more like the other way around, they always stole my stuff.
"Get away loser" And things like that. Actually, I don't quite remember this things, because I have suppressed my memories... but they were things like that

[M.R.]

I just ran across this thread and oh my would I have a list of things! But I'll just stick with a few and if i respond i'll add more.

"You had a sex change when you were a baby because M couldn't stand another son." She already had 3 sons. But that paired with, "I've always wanted a baby girl."

And, "You're a brown noser" because I have a freckle on the tip of my nose.

I know these aren't horrible, but since I just woke up I can't dive deep right away. :/

Melodie

[Hope66]

A few that I can think of:

Calling me 'fat'
"You're a dark horse, you are"
Calling me "lazy" "idle"
"Wouldn't it be nice if we had boys" (different words to that, but similar meaning)

TW (inappropriate)***
"I've seen it all before" (referring to my teenage body - said by my F)

[Andyman73]

I could fill the page. Most was passive aggressive type comments.
TW just in case.

You never tell the truth
Nobody will ever believe you
You're so worthless
Wish you would just d** already.
Why don't you just k*** yourself
You're so ugly, makes me sick to look at you
The sound of your voice gives me a headache
No woman, or man, would ever want you
Everybody hates you
Your own kids are scared of you
We don't care what our adult sons do now, we raised them, they're on their own now.
We made mistakes raising our boys.
My parents think you're such a lazy deadbeat
Even your parents can't stand you
You don't have any friends because nobody can stand to be around you
You can't do anything right, how are you even alive???
I'm surprised God didn't k*** you already.

I think these are pretty much what was said between M and F, and future abusive ex wife. Other abusers said things I won't write on here.

[Cookido]

"And where does it hurt today then?"
When I seeked comfort for pain as a child, and instead was mocked and laughed at by my parents. I learned early not to express my feelings.

"I despise weakness"
"We don't believe in mental illness"
"Learn to take criticism" 

[Libby183]

Your parents sound just like mine, Cookido.  They said exactly those things, and said them with such pride - as if they were so strong and I was so weak.  My mother's favourite phrase was "Don't be so silly!"  It sounds so innocuous but she managed to get so much hatred into it, that it was truly awful.  It was often said as a response to me saying I felt unwell. I can't help but feel that if I had got some understanding and validation and sympathy,  I might not be in the almost constant physical and emotional pain that I have been in for years.

Their words do so much damage.

[Cookido]

I can't help but feel that if I had got some understanding and validation and sympathy,  I might not be in the almost constant physical and emotional pain that I have been in for years.

I thought this many times too. I don't think my parents hurt me on purpose, I think they literally don't understand the concept and importance of feelings and caring. And as you said, they find pride in it. Which also makes it impossible to ever talk to them about these things.

Kinda going off topic, but basically trying to say I related to your post too Libby183.

[woodsgnome]

One of the worst remnant symptoms of my early abuse involves hearing ghost-like voices at night accosting me with the lying words that rang out then. While I've learned to try and talk back, the voices invaded my head space again about 10 nights ago, and I'm still reeling from that awful experience.

The worst of these sayings is "It's ALL YOUR FAULT". Always, everything and anything was my fault; and it was repeated endlessly.

While I've learned to talk back to those taunts, that night I literally threw my back out of joint as I thrashed around trying to cover my ears, throwing pillows, etc., and have been miserable ever since. The symptoms/pain were bad enough to warrant an emergency room visit to deal with the wrenched back (at least my m.d. could sympathize somewhat with the causes; she's a rare medic who gets it). I also dialed an all-night crisis number my therapist gave me to talk down the mental anguish (I'd been suicidal during such times before, but not recently).

In this case, as I adjust my ice pack, those words remain more than mere sidelights to long ago abuse, and still literally haunt me. 

[Blueberry]

  woodsgnome

That was said to me too. It wasn't true in your case or mine.

[Hope67]

Hi Woodsgnome,
I really relate to what you said about ending up with a wrenched limb or muscle as a result of a night terror - it happens to me as well - and I am so sorry to hear you experienced those things the other night -  and I agree with Blueberry, that those things that were said weren't right.   
Hope 

[CrashPhenomena]

! TRIGGER WARNING !

The man that abused me when I was 9 told me "I made some new toys to show you."

[Elphanigh]

That one struck home CrashPhenomena 

One of mine used to tell me she "had new pictures to show me" other variation was "pictures for us to try".

[I like vanilla]

Wow! I have been working for a while on an art project that is based on the terrible things that my family, largely my uNM, said to me, and which haunt me still. For me the big ones are:

-you're so obstinate
-you're so bossy
and, the one that haunts me most
-you're too big for your britches

All of which, of course, said any time I did or said anything that distinguished me as a separate human being with thoughts and feelings of my own, and especially those that differed from NM.

Others that bothered me a lot:
-you should have been a boy
my NM miscarried a boy before becoming pregnant with me - and they selectively practise a religion that says boys are better
-you are such a tomboy
NO, I was NOT a boy, I was a beautiful spirited girl!
To be told both 'you should have been a boy' and 'you are doing girl wrong' messed with my head.