Hello everyone

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Piou

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Hello everyone
« on: September 20, 2017, 10:22:43 PM »
Hi everyone,

I've been signed up to the forum for a while, reading a lot of you guys' stories, recognizing myself in some more than others.

I was a bit aprehensive about posting my story here but realized I do not have to go into all the details if I don't feel like it so here goes:

I was raised in a very unstable home (mentally ill sibling who caused a lot of chaos, abusive father) and was subjected to a lot of neglect/abandonment as a result of my parents having to constantly deal with the acting out of my sibling. Also, I come from a culture where hitting children is pretty normalized as a disciplinary measure, so there was that too.

I sometimes find it hard to believe that what I've been through during childhood and the beginning of adolescence is responsible for the mental health issues I've been having recently, thinking stuff like «It wasn't that bad» (probably due the minimizing of my mother whenever I'd come to her with complaints/sadness/anger/whatever) but when I really think about it, I was a miserable child, always angry or feeling empty and weird and disconnected from others.

Today, I still struggle with relationships (I don't have friends, never been in a romantic relationship) because I feel like everyone is dangerous due to bullying and all the reasons mentioned above. I feel depressed most of the time and get easily overstimulated and depleted. I do not have a diagnosis of C-PTSD but am looking to get one and possibly start psychotherapy soon.

I've been reading a psychology manual from my school's library in an attempt to make sense of my mind and it's been helpful. I really enjoy music, it makes me feel less alone.

I guess that's all. Nice to meet you all.  :)

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Traveller

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #1 on: September 20, 2017, 11:41:29 PM »
I applaud you for being brave enough to reach out for help. I hope you find a good therapist soon so you can continue on the road recovery.

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Three Roses

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #2 on: September 20, 2017, 11:44:59 PM »
Hello Piou, welcome to the forum!

It's pretty common among us to minimize our abuse. Chances are more likely that it was worse than we thought.

If you'd like a fascinating book, look into "The Body Keeps The Score", about the effects of trauma on the brain. Really interesting, easy to read.

Thanks for joining!

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Piou

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #3 on: September 21, 2017, 10:38:35 PM »
Thanks you two!

My agitated mind was making all kinds of catastrophic scenarios about the kind of responses I'd get (I'm anxious like that).

I've been seeing this book recommended by many on various websites. I should probably look more into it.
Maybe they have it at the library or something...

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Blueberry

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #4 on: September 21, 2017, 10:48:30 PM »
 :heythere: Welcome Piou. Sorry you didn't get more replies especially if your worry was what kind you'd be getting. More would have showed you that your anxiety wasn't related to the forum but to past experiences  ;)

However, depending on what we're all going through, we're not always in a state where we can answer. Doesn't meant you're not heard.

I minimised for years too, having had almost everybody in my extended family minimising my pain throughout my childhood and teenage years and later.

Hope to see you posting more around the forum. No pressure though, post as and when you can.

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Sceal

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2017, 06:26:11 AM »
Hi Piou!

Thank you for sharing part of you story, it sounds like a rough environment to grow up in. I do hope your current environment is safe. Its good you are looking to get help, and I hope you find a therapist you conbevt with.

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Three Roses

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Re: Hello everyone
« Reply #6 on: September 22, 2017, 03:18:43 PM »
Btw, "The Body Keeps The Score" is available as an audiobook on YouTube for free -

Part 1 https://youtu.be/EKjBM6MxTKg

Part 2 https://youtu.be/KSo699qcHfQ