New here and having a difficult time. Feeling very alone and tired.

[Spencer]

  Hello,
     My name is Chris and I am new here. I am 45 years old and just recently discovered I have C-PTSD. I grew up with two narcissistic parents my father who was physically abusive as well as emotional. My mother was emotionally abusive. I have 4 older siblings most of whom were abusive to me as well, some physical. The good news as of recently I am no longer in contact with any of these people. There was a recent family blowup which has led to me being disowned from my family but in the process my wife has asked for a divorce. She knows I have C-PTSD but wants to move on. We were friends for many years before getting married and having a child and we are committed to remaining good friends and good parents, however she is not someone I can come to for support.
  I had thought for years I had a handle on things but this year things have gone utterly south and I feel incredibly alone. I have good days and bad and some really bad days. Today is one of those days. I'm exhausted.

I'm not sure what else to say, so I'll end here for now. I want to thank those who created this site and I'm grateful for all the information available.

[JayDubs]

Welcome!  I am new here too.  I can definitely empathize with the position you are in.  I find myself in a pretty difficult one too.  Some differences of course.  I am thinking maybe I need to take the opportunity to work on myself more and rethink life a little.   Scared of what will come out in therapy once it gets started.  My gut tells me it is going to be different this time.

I am reading a lot of life changes are going on.  Remember to take care of yourself too!

[Libby12]

Welcome to the forum,  Spencer.  As you have probably seen,  a lot of us, me included, have suffered at the hands of our abusive parents (and families)  for our whole lives. Like you, I was disowned by my family,  in my forties, when I said I was depressed and blamed them.

Being away from them completely was the only way to heal,  for me. 

It is very sad that your marriage has come to an end.  But it sounds as if you are approaching this very responsibly, despite the sadness of the situation.  I am happily married but realised a while back that my husband couldn't really support me in dealing with all the fall out from my relationship with my FOO because,  despite always knowing how truly awful they were, he doesn't get what it has done to me.  When I accepted this, it was a turning point.  At first,  it was scary to think that I was so alone in all this, but it was a release of sorts, because now I leave him to deal with his issues and his family,  and I deal with mine and take care of myself.  We are much happier and we are still a close family.  It is clearly time for you to take care of yourself, and you can do this whilst still being a good parent. Hopefully we can be your place of support because we do understand.

All the best to you and thanks for joining.

Libby.

[Sceal]

Welcome to the forum!

I am also new here, but it seems like a very good place with a lot of supporting members. It feels safe

I am sad to hear of your divorce, and cannot imagine the hurt that must be. I hope that you will find support here, as well as in others off-line, even if you cannot have that from your previous spouse.
I hope that not being around your family will also be a way for you to start healing, and take charge of your own life the way that you yourself want.

[Spencer]

Thank you everyone Just knowing this is a safe place to come is a huge relief. This past week has been exceptionally hard. Been having lots of nightmares and emotional flashbacks that stick with me all day it seems. Been trying to exercise more self care and delve into new things but some days finding the motivation to keep moving is hard. I know things will get better. Thanks again everyone for reaching out

[Three Roses]

 

Here's some info on managing EFs - http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=7214.0

Glad you're here!

[JamesG]

Hi Spencer

that all sounds pretty familiar. Very, very familiar. Feel free to message if you need contact, I'm a bit further down the road and am happy to help, mutual support and all that.

In the short term.. go to the spartan life coach on youtube, this guy's videos on narcissistic abuse are invaluable, and his ability to explain the science of C-PTSD is, for me at least, a potent weapon.

This is a tough road, but it's going places. Glad you reached out, this is a great place, very grounding. Recovery starts here.