I got questions about EF's.

[Sceal]

Dear all,

I've been reading alot on this page about emotional flashbacks, a new termonology for me. I got curious and so I looked it up.
I've read about it at Pete Walker's webpage and an article he has on psychotherapy.net (https://www.psychotherapy.net/article/complex-ptsd), and on some other pages. I've looked it up on youtube and even tedtalks, although the latter I found none.

I am going to try and communicate my confusion, and my questions. But I am having a hard time verbalising them.

I'm going to skip alot of my story, but I changed district psychiatric clinic August of last year and with it a new therapist. I didn't bring my old journal with me, I wanted a clean slate, a place where they could treat me for who I am today, and not who I was when I first asked for help. Anyway, my new therapist wanted to do a proper diagnosing of me, and I felt that was good. I'd previously been diagnosed with BPD, Panic Anxiety, General Anxiety, Social Anxiety and Chronic returning depression (the four latter ones I considered manageable, but BPD I never agreed with. It wasn't me.) I was now to be diagnosed with Mixed PD and C-PTSD. I had heard of PTSD before, but not the different degrees of it. Whether I actually got an indebth explanation I can't really recall. I was not in a good place at the time and shortly after I was admitted to the psych ward. Anyway, that was a brief recollection of my diagnoses...

Where I'm from there's only one word for flashbacks. And it's "flashbacks", and I have plenty of those. But mainly they are visual and/or sensorical. Most of the time I repress my emotions, simply because they tend to get so intense and the only way I tend to deal with them is SI, I never learned how to otherwise deal and regulate emotions as a child. So I've been told I'm overreacting a bunch of times, and now I've concluded it's better to repress most of them. It doesn't work all the time of course. And I can feel them swirling around in my chest, but I no longer can identify them until they explode, or my body is having physical reactions.

I am trying to come to terms with my new diagnoses', what they mean and what they do. I am trying to seperate the two of them (three if you include panic attacks), so that I can more identify which part of me is doing what. And which part of me is doing healthy reactions to events. And I'm having a hard time with this. I am also having a hard time understanding what the difference between an emotional flashback is compared to a normal reaction to something upsetting, can someone help me out understand the difference?

Pete Walker says "Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions ('amygdala hijackings') to the frightening circumstances of childhood."
I am wondering about this 'amygdala hijackings' part, because amygdala is the part of the brain that does a whole bunch of stuff in regards to emotions, and inparticular fear. And it is the part that is on red alert during an anxiety attack. So what then differs bettween an anxiety attack and the EF's 'amygdala hijackings'? As you can have anxiety attacks without suffering from flashbacks.

Pete Walker also says "Because most emotional flashbacks do not have a visual or memory component to them, the triggered individual rarely realizes that she is re-experiencing a traumatic time from childhood" If we rarely realize that it is an re-experiencing of a traumatic memory, then how can you really fight it? And how can you become aware of the difference between and EF and a normal emotional reaction to something bad? He makes it seem like every negative emotions that we have are the result of an EF, but that's not completely true. The emotions are there to signal us that something is amiss or that something is doing good, ultimatedly. And that is a healthy thing, even if it hurts.

Did any of this make sense? I am uncertain if I am clearly communicating in a good way. I am just so confused.
I hope I didn't offend anyone, and I'm also sorry that this became a bit long.

[Quiet]

I'm new here, but the EF description has already had a big impact on how I feel about the well of emotions that seem to have no source.  I know when I have an EF.  Usually.  It's an emotional reaction way out of line with what's actually happening.

Two simple examples.  Possible TRIGGER warning below.

If I drop a box of screws on the floor of the workshop, where the only damage done is the time is takes to pick them up, I fly into a rage.  I experience self-loathing, I call myself ugly names, and I want to hurt myself.  I don't cut anymore, but I definitely want to.  Sometimes I do still dig my nails into my palms to make it hurt.  It takes me hours to pull out of this cycle, and I'm moody for days.

I like having short hair.  I love the way it feels, but also it's a symbol, to me, of my ability to be free and make my own decisions.  But whenever I get a haircut, I always find myself sobbing in the bathroom.  This is not a normal reaction to a haircut that makes me feel better about myself (once I stop crying).

[Three Roses]

I'll try to answer those questions but first I will refresh my memory. I'll come back to this thread after I brush up

[Three Roses]

Ok. So, it seems like I've been using emotional flashback and amygdala hijack interchangeably, but that's not 100% correct.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala_hijack

Your amygdala is in charge of the fight/flight responses. Stimuli can be processed by the amygdala before the stimulus has time to reach the thinking part of your brain.

So when your brain received a stimulus that it has learned in the past was dangerous (this is the trigger), your amygdala takes over to keep you safe. The amygdala is responsible for adrenaline production, heart rate, etc and can put your body literally in motion before you have time to make a decision what to do. This is the hijack part.

Now that the amygdala has a hold of you, several things can happen. If you've ever found yourself running even before you knew you were scared, you know exactly why it's called a "hijack". One possible outcome is an emotional flashback, which is "typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair." (http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm). In other words, the EF returns you to the feeling states of childhood - small, helpless, abandoned.

In addition to the emotional type, there are also other types of flashbacks, including auditory, visual and somatic.

[Sceal]

I'm new here, but the EF description has already had a big impact on how I feel about the well of emotions that seem to have no source.  I know when I have an EF.  Usually.  It's an emotional reaction way out of line with what's actually happening.

Two simple examples.  Possible TRIGGER warning below.

If I drop a box of screws on the floor of the workshop, where the only damage done is the time is takes to pick them up, I fly into a rage.  I experience self-loathing, I call myself ugly names, and I want to hurt myself.  I don't cut anymore, but I definitely want to.  Sometimes I do still dig my nails into my palms to make it hurt.  It takes me hours to pull out of this cycle, and I'm moody for days.

I like having short hair.  I love the way it feels, but also it's a symbol, to me, of my ability to be free and make my own decisions.  But whenever I get a haircut, I always find myself sobbing in the bathroom.  This is not a normal reaction to a haircut that makes me feel better about myself (once I stop crying).

Welcome to the forum, I'm also pretty new.
Thank you for your examples, they made more "sense" than the other examples I've read about. Even if I am still trying to understand it, and trying to relate

[Sceal]

Ok. So, it seems like I've been using emotional flashback and amygdala hijack interchangeably, but that's not 100% correct.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amygdala_hijack

Your amygdala is in charge of the fight/flight responses. Stimuli can be processed by the amygdala before the stimulus has time to reach the thinking part of your brain.

So when your brain received a stimulus that it has learned in the past was dangerous (this is the trigger), your amygdala takes over to keep you safe. The amygdala is responsible for adrenaline production, heart rate, etc and can put your body literally in motion before you have time to make a decision what to do. This is the hijack part.

Now that the amygdala has a hold of you, several things can happen. If you've ever found yourself running even before you knew you were scared, you know exactly why it's called a "hijack". One possible outcome is an emotional flashback, which is "typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair - or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair." (http://pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm). In other words, the EF returns you to the feeling states of childhood - small, helpless, abandoned.

In addition to the emotional type, there are also other types of flashbacks, including auditory, visual and somatic.

Thank you for getting back to me, Three Roses.
This is more my understanding of what Amygdala and fear does together. (I've also recently learned amygdala also is part of processing and understanding all emotional experiences - but that's a whole different matter).

But is EF consistent? Like, when one is affronted with one spesific trigger it'll always be a reaction?

I am sorry, I am struggling with understanding all of this. Being so afraid of being told I'm "overreacting" again, it's easier to not react at all. Which makes understanding and dealing with emotions incredible confusing and hard. And I can't tell them apart.

[AphoticAtramentous]

But is EF consistent? Like, when one is affronted with one spesific trigger it'll always be a reaction?

At least in my experiences, no. There are days where you are more fragile, some days where you are stronger. Either changes how you go about the day.
Or one can mentally prepare themselves for a trigger and that can lessen the blow of the reaction that comes with it. There's plenty of different variables that alter the severity.
That is just my opinion/experiences though, not sure about others'.

[Three Roses]

I think i agree with AA. I have some days where I'm feeling stronger, and those days i find i'm not triggered as easily. for me, some things will probably always have some level of consistent triggerishness [like my new word?] People yelling, angry people, and another thing i find i can't even type [what the... when did that happen??]. so i guess, for me, the same things will have the potential to trigger me, but some days will be worse than others. i also agree with AA that preparation [if you know you'll be facing a familiar trigger] can work wonders.