Overwhelmed with this (possible trigger?)

[Xbrightxeyesx]

Hey, I'm still new to posting here and trying to figure it out. I have been feeling so lost and taken over for the last- I don't know. I can't shake the feelings but I also can't deal with them and then I keep having flashes of memories and the only thing that calms me is to imagine self-harm, or ending it... and I really don't want to but I also don't want to feel this way and I don't really know who to reach out to. Everyone feels worlds away and I don't want to burden anyone either. Trying to stick it out till therapy tomorrow. Advice would be appreciated.

[Blueberry]

Hello xBrightEyes,

I'm sorry you're feeling in such a bad way atm. If you feel like ending it or even imagining ending it, check here: http://www.outofthestorm.website/emergency/ for who to contact in your area. We do care about you on here, but we're not really equipped to help somebody who might be feeling suicidal. The places listed on this website under Emergency are there for you, for people who may be feeling just like you. You are not a burden! They are there for you.

If everyone feels worlds away, it might mean that you are dissociated right now. In that case it can be good to re-ground. For me, regrounding involves stamping my feet, pushing against walls.
Someone else on here uses the 5 senses. I'm not sure of the correct order, but something like See 5 Things, Feel 4 Things, Hear 3 Things, Smell 2 Things, Taste 1 Thing. Re-grounding brings us back into our body, back into the Present Day. It also can be good just to remind yourself that you are in the present day. "Today is the 28th of Sept. 2017 and I am safe now. I'm remembering the past only, not living it." Some people wrap themselves tightly in a blanket or hold a stuffed animal. 

I personally sometimes feel better in a semi-dissociated state, or just go to bed and stay there till a doc or therapy appointment. That's OK too, IMO. It's about surviving in whatever state you feel best in till you can get some help in real life.

Good luck with this! You can post later to let us know how you're doing if you like. But be aware that we're scattered round the globe on this website, in different time zones, so not always online. 

[Dee]

The 5 senses is me.  Blueberry got it right and it does really help.  I learned this inpatient. 

I have struggled and struggled with SI.  It does get better.  I still have issues, this week has been hard.  Over the last couple of months (with the exception this week) it has been less and less.  I also recognize that SI helped me survive.  It gave me hope of a way out.  I think acknowledging it and realizing it had a purpose that is not longer needed helps.

I'm better, I still struggle.  I totally get the calming effect.  Sometimes I would fall asleep planning.  It was the only thing that could help me sleep.  Still, I'm here to say it can get better.  The hard part is to admit to it.  Once you do it takes away the power.  Once the power is gone it feels survivable. 

[sanmagic7]

what you did do instead, is to post here, reach out for help.  well done.  that's a step in a positive direction. 

hope your therapy goes well today.  one foot in front of the other.  big hug to you, brighteyes.