Anxiety attack?

[barbidoll]

So the other day I freaked out. I thought about these two miniature turtles growing up that disappeared and then there was a smell for awhile after. Anyway for some reason freaked that something bad had been done to them and I just freaked.
  So here I am messaging my older sister about turtles from over 30 years ago and I kind of have this sense that what I am feeling is way over blown but I have to know about those darn turtles. So the next day when I am calmer I message my sister to apologize but I kind of feel the panic returning. Anyway when she messages me back she asks me if I am on meds and tells me that she is worried about me. That this anxiety can't feel good which is a major understatement. And my brain is begging just please tell me that memory is exactly the way I remember and that those turtles really did just disappear.  I did not mention this to her because I didn't want to worry her more.
  And this morning I still feel like I need someone to tell me that the turtles just disappeared so I can calm down. I don't know why these turtles are so anxiety provoking. They weren't our only animals while I was growing up. and I am pretty sure that not the only pets that were there in one memory and not others. So why the panic? This makes me feel crazy but it feels so critical for me to know. 
  I am trying to assume that since my sister did not say anything about them that I am freaking out over nothing but it doesn't feel like nothing.

[Dee]

I do this as well.  It can be something small, but I can't let it go.  Then I just ruminate and let it spiral out of control.  I have found that I have to tell myself to stop when this starts.  I talk to myself and say stop it.  Each time it pops up, I say stop it.  Then I try to distract myself.  I have to get busy, do something, usually get out of the house.

It is related to anxiety and it happens and it sucks.  It is about learning to control it that helps.

[barbidoll]

I need to find ways to distract myself. I sometimes read when my anxiety is just too much but either my anxiety doesn't allow me to focus or I get caught up in avoiding so I keep reading and reading. I did laugh at myself over this because I can recognize it is overblown. I am just in a realization stage now about what is going on with me so I am going to need to learn some new skills. I don't feel so crazy though knowing I am not the only one.

[JamesG]

I find audio books are great when I'm just pottering about, you get a lot of bang for your buck, 10 hours or something and they can take the edge off really well.

[barbidoll]

I might have to look into audio books. I have never tried them because I love reading physical books. I could clean Barnes N Nobles out if could afford it.  It actually is disturbing when I go to read now and can't even concentrate on it because of that.  I think sometimes some music helps but my kids are not that fond of my music. If the wrong song comes on thought I cam feel my anxiety level go up. I gots issues.  I am trying really hard to find my sense of humor in this right now.

[dsgirl]

Its likely they were given to a new family who really wanted them. Sometimes parents do this because it may have been safer for the turtles to be in a new home. From what you say it sounds like they 'disappeared' together and will always have each other, and together, a home where they were loved and cherished.

[barbidoll]

Actually,and weirdly enough this something I remember, there was a terrible smell for awhile in the apartment after they disappeared.  I don't know maybe I freaked out because I distorted my childhood so much that I actually had myself convinced that other than my Dad's sexual abuse of me that he was a good guy.  My older sister recently described him as evil and since then I am wondering what I forgot. My sister confirmed that he was hypercritical and had angry outbursts but I do not remember those things.  I guess I have wondering what else my brain chose to protect me from.

[dsgirl]

I am so sorry that happened to you. I know you probably feel very alone with this right now but you're not. It might be difficult for you to remember things alone and for that reason I'd recommend speaking to a therapist who specialises in that kind of trauma to help you fit the pieces of the puzzle together. You wonderful soul ,and so brave to reach out and try to get some answers. Many hugs