another newbie

[watersheds]

I feel really weird posting, but here goes. Hi. I'm Jessi. I'm 30 and I was diagnosed with CPTSD late in 2016. It all feels really strange and new because although I have spent most of my life in some form of therapy off and on thanks to being diagnosed with GAD, PD and DD-NOS when I was 12, it hasn't been until now that any therapist has acknowledged the traumas I went through as having an effect on my mental health. I spent a really long time convincing myself that the things I went through were normal. Obviously other people went through worse things, so PTSD couldn't be what I had, I told myself. It feels like someone finally hit the lightswitch. I couldn't understand why I kept going through life like I'd experienced arrested development, why people would say I came across in a negative way when it was never the intention, why I couldn't seem to move forward with life like my peers and why I cried all the time. Receiving that diagnosis and reading about CPTSD has been such an affirmation to me. Aspects about myself make so much more sense now. At the same time, it's a huge struggle because I don't know how to undo 30 years of this kind of thinking. I have been going through the Seeking Safety workbook by Lisa Najavits and it's opened my eyes to a lot, but I worry about my ability to implement change in my life. It was an effort just to transition myself from unemployed and isolating myself at my parents' house to applying for social services. It's like, how do you move forward from here? Making important life decisions like that and implementing them is my worst nightmare right now. So, I guess you could say I'm here to try and figure out how to do that.

[Three Roses]

Receiving that diagnosis and reading about CPTSD has been such an affirmation to me. Aspects about myself make so much more sense now. 

This was my reaction too. Welcome and thanks for joining!

[AphoticAtramentous]

Welcome to the forum, watersheds. I'm glad that you've got your diagnosis and can look to bettering things. But it is such a difficult thing, asking 'what's next' and how to move forward. Just remember to take things one step at a time.