Felt like throwing in the towel

[Blueberry]

Thanks 3R, back to you 

[Blueberry]

Having problems again, floundering around. One good thing is: there's no longer that voice suggesting I "throw in the towel". More just: there are good days and bad days, two steps forward in my freelance work (I did make a fair amount of progress a while ago) and then one step back, just like in all other areas of healing. Maybe I should stop this particular line of work, but not using the image of "throwing in the towel". My thoughts are less emotional about it, maybe? It feels different anyway.

I don't think I bit off more than I can chew this time, it's just maybe I'm not quite over all the stuff that was going on last week emotionally and so my brain isn't firing on all cylinders. But I need a clear mind for this type of work.

[Tee]

 

[Blueberry]

Unfortunately, I bit off more than I can chew.  But I'm going to have to push through with it anyway. Should have declined. Should have declined. Should have declined. But I can't now. Too late.

Ditto. Have to push through.

Actually I'm not even sure I have to push through. Apart from the fact that 'have to' often doesn't work and certainly isn't today. I could throw in the towel on this piece of contract work. Of course the client won't be too happy but I can give them the option of finding somebody else or waiting till Friday AM. I can also say I've been ill today. How else can you label an EF (or just putting off and putting off) for someone without cptsd?

I do have a guilty conscience, but maybe I need to do a little round of EFT? After all my ll seems to have no qualms at all at putting me and my requests off for weeks and/or months after saying he'd do them.

I phoned a friend who used to be in this line of work, but she's busy reading bedtime stories, tho will get back to me later.

The money I'd get is just not worth it for the amount of SH and eating disorder I've been doing since yesterday. Even though I have done some of the work already, happy to let it disappear into my computer, so as to not have to complete it or ever look at it again.

[Tee]

Hugs remember to breathe. Take care of you Blueberry.

[Not Alone]

Blueberry,
Giving someone the option of waiting until Friday or finding someone else because you've been ill (only explanation needed) sounds reasonable. Take care of yourself---that is the priority.

[Tee]

Blueberry,
Giving someone the option of waiting until Friday or finding someone else because you've been ill (only explanation needed) sounds reasonable. Take care of yourself---that is the priority.

[Blueberry]

Thanks to both of you! I did talk to the friend I mentioned and she helped me come to that conclusion too. I haven't even done any EFT and I didn't offer Friday either. I looked at my schedule this coming week and thought "No way!" That's probably why I agreed to do it by today in the first place.

Monday I'm working at the farm, then my godson is coming, actually to the farm first with his mum, the friend I just spoke to, and then to my place for a couple of days. As soon as he leaves, I have a couple of appointments including at the doc's I didn't go to last week  and then I'm teaching a few students and going back up to the farm Friday afternoon till Sat. eve or Sun. AM and then next Tues I'm going away for 6 days, including 4 days of a healing retreat. Phew. I will feel able to breathe there and stop rushing around.

[Tee]

Sounds like a busy and then also mostly fun filled week. That you need for your well being. Everyone needs a break. No Shame in that. Enjoy your godson, the farm, your friend, and the retreat.  Hopefully the fun will get you to and through the doctor's visit you can do it.

It sucks to have to back out of stuff my ICr goes crazy when I get over stressed and can't finish everything, but sometimes it's better to say I'm sorry this is just more than I am able to do at the moment here's the name of someone else who would be perfect to help finish this project.  I hope everything works out for you and next week goes smoothly. You have been making such great strides in you journals and it's really helped me pull out of my current EF just seeing that there's Hope.  You can do it keep going. Big hugs

[Blueberry]

I feel like throwing in the towel on work again. The good thing: I know it's just an EF. So don't make decisions of that type during an EF.

So I read back in here that there are good days and bad days. As in all other aspects of healing, I take great strides forward and then I take some steps back and then I stay on the spot treading water for a while, then I move forwards again. When I feel up to it, I'll move forwards the way I was envisaging a few months ago. It's good that I don't have many students atm because I wouldn't feel up to any of the ensuing admin work and even the teaching could be a bit shakey.

[Jazzy]

I hope this trouble passes soon for you. Take care Blueberry!

[Blueberry]

Thank you Jazzy! It seems to be lifting a bit.