back from the doc

[JamesG]

So, well the benefit first step is made, he didn't doubt it was PTSD for a second and has written the necessary note for the benefit people, Not home and dry yet, but it's a big step towards settling things down.

Intense day tho, counselling was dug deep into my childhood bullying issues and she felt certain my brother was actually psychotic. As she puts it, a Narc has no empathy, a psychotic has empathy, but does it anyway. I'm afraid to say it fits. Some of his behaviour is so gleefully malicious that it's really the only reasonable diagnosis. So much of it was also meaningless too, and the time he spent on it! If he'd used even a fraction of that energy for reasonable purposes then he'd have got somewhere. As far as I can tell, all he is going to leave as a legacy is a smell of sulphur.

It's an odd thing because I'm a natural comic, and I find myself making the counsellor laugh at some things that are really not funny in the least, they are just so out there that it's almost blackadder in it's wickedness. But thats the odd thing about such messed up minds, they veer into comedy quite often, if, and it's a big if, you can step back far enough to see it.

I'm certainly able to see it now, but clearly I have to go back into my past and rewire my memories to draw the correct conclusions instead of maintain the lessons I learned with the blinkers on. Why I ever took him seriously is beyond me. He's a coward of the first order, a lost boy who turned his heart black with fear and bitterness. But really, who cares at the end of the day, he's playing one a side football with himself and no one is watching. Everyday I diffuse a few more of the boobytraps.