Did you ever find comfort in horror stories as a child?

[ah]

I remembered something today that I keep thinking about. But it could be pretty triggering, so:

*Triggering*

When I was small I had read a book about the holocaust, and it said in there that sometimes in the ghetto, when jews were hiding and about to be discovered by the german soldiers and their baby cried, they were so terrified of being discovered that they could hurt the baby to keep it quiet. For me, it was such an immense, immeasurable revelation and consolation to read that passage in the book. It was just a story trying to describe a terrible time in history for the purpose of teaching history, but to me it was like a lifeline. I kept returning to the library to read that passage over and over. It was like medicine. I kept thinking "oh, so it happened to others. So what happens to me really exists. I'm not the only one. It's a real thing."

*End of triggering stuff*

What a weird, twisted thing to be consoled by. Like the darkest things felt safe, whereas happiness feels unsafe.

Does anyone else feel this way? Did you ever find comfort in horror stories as a child?

[Dee]

It sounds to me like you found comfort by not feeling so alone.  Abusers tend to isolate us, often covertly.  You described relief.  I totally understand that.  Having company would make you feel not so different and not so bad.  Isn't that part of the reasons group therapy is thought to be important.

When I was a child I spent forever in the library trying to find anything that was similar to my own story.  I never did.  I also found that I listened intently to the TV if I thought I heard anything I can relate to. 

I think it was a way that you were trying to take care of yourself.

[Blueberry]

For decades as an adult I've gone through phases of reading obsessively about the holocaust. Sometimes when I'm really low, it helps me. One reason i suppose is that I'm often reading about helpers who hid victims etc., but it also seems to help me to read about the terrible things that happened, which then gives me kind of a kick-start to get going again with my own life, because if people in concentration camps managed to keep going, then I can too.

Actually as a teenager I felt comforted reading some of the words of Anne Frank, because I felt trapped too. It sounds a terrible thing to say. She died, I didn't. But OTOH we do say that we shouldn't compare trauma! But it still sounds terrible. She's famous world-over and everybody can imagine how terrible things were for her and would look at me  if I compared myself and my past.

ah, you write yourself that the revelation was that you weren't the only one. That's not a terrible thing to realise. In fact repeatedly going back to read in the book probably gave you some strength in not being alone.

[Andyman73]

Starting at age 9, when I read my first adult book..."Close Encounters of the Third Kind"...yeah, the one that was made into that movie.  I read horror stories voraciously!!! I must have read over a thousand or more...adult horror, not childrens or young adults...which wasn't really a thing beyond the Chronicles of Narnia.  All my abuse was hidden away...but the lost time, dissociations, deja vu..and such...I had no idea what was happening to me. My parents didn't believe anything I told them, and were in fact abusing me, physically and other ways too...I finally stopped reading horror in my late 20s.  I don't know what I was looking for, just I couldn't get enough.  Never had nightmares from the books...they were never as scary as the nightmares I already had been having before ever reading my first horror story.

Yeah.....

[ToreyP]

I found this in horror movies as a child.  I was 5 years old and watching movies like "John Carpenter's 'The Thing'".  I think, for me, it was like watching those movies made me feel like there was something out there even more horrific than what I was living through - so that it somehow took the edge off what was happening to me in some strange way. 

[Andyman73]

I found this in horror movies as a child.  I was 5 years old and watching movies like "John Carpenter's 'The Thing'".  I think, for me, it was like watching those movies made me feel like there was something out there even more horrific than what I was living through - so that it somehow took the edge off what was happening to me in some strange way.

Like a form of escapism....makes sense.

[ah]

Oh...! So it's a thing. Figures. I mean, you guys went through so much, it makes sense. (Not for me though, of course not, Bleh!)

I'm so sorry it wasn't just me, but it does help me make sense of things to know it wasn't just me. If that isn't too loopy.

Dee,
Thank you so much. I keep reading your reply the same way I read that passage in the old book. Thing is, it never occurred to me I was trying to take care of myself (duh! But it didn't) but I now go back and read your words thinking "ok, so what I'm doing now is I'm trying to take care of myself" whatever that may mean, it's a new idea. That's thanks to you, you're amazing. I wish you didn't understand though, I wish it had never happened to you.

[Dee]

I have learned that a lot of what I did, was my way of doing what I needed to do to survive.  I hope you can be gentle on yourself and see the strength in the way you were able to cope.  I have had someone who I trust point these things out to me.

[ah]

Dee,
Your words help me so much, more than I can say. Thank you for being you. And for caring (which is so helpful I'm again speechless) and for sharing things that helped you along the way.

(I can't add a proper hug back because it won't work for some reason, but here's one all the same)

[Andyman73]

Oh...! So it's a thing. Figures. I mean, you guys went through so much, it makes sense. (Not for me though, of course not, Bleh!)

I believe the term escapism was coined back during the golden age of movie theater era? Or during/after the Depression?