My dad - npd ?

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi
I've just had an awful wk end with my father ... I've long known he isn't 'right and I always thought he was on the autistic spectrum...
After this wk end he appears to fit narcissist personality ...
He is extremely lacking in empathy I'd say none , I'm seeing more that when he does seemingly offer a bit it's maybe forced and 'put on' . He is manipulative, dishonest and completely self absorbed. He is in competition with me even over negative things for example my struggles this yr with my mental health..
I am seeing more he has no respect for me , talks about himself constantly and demands attention and my responses all the time- in opposition to the fact he does not respond or give me any attention except to grunt a 'um
He is either all happy and acting childish and stupid or completely negative and puts down others all the time. For example being sarcastic about strangers even within ear shot.. he has a completely negative view of the world , owns little of any ability to self reflect and has a paranoid stance when it comes to others in society ...
I am left from his visit hating him. I feel down trodden and used.
What I find amazing is that he owns so little if any empathy yet if I slightly don't give him full attention and admiration he will manipulate in an attempt to get it from me being hostile in his communication.
My mother is v likely bpd and they were married for near on 40 yrs. his personality has definitely been warped by all those yrs with her...
I've been clinging to this relationship with my dad as I have no contact with m ( 10 yrs ) and no contact with my brother. I can see now I've fallen back into being too there for my f and it has turned and bit me....
I feel like a failure
Rejected and unworthy of his genuine care. I've always known this but somehow I've woken up more fully to it
Where I go from here is unknown to me but it feels good to speak it all out.
He lives many miles away and we see each other about twice a year so it's not drastic in that sense... I just need to do it very different next time and can't see me having him to stay again ... this time he was in a guest house but even that is too much time with him ..
I feel like the little girl inside is crying she wanted it all to work out ...
The fairy tale is shattered ...
I value me even if he doesn't / can't

[Lingurine]

Hi Boatsailsetrose, it's hard to see and acknowledge abuse from your FOO. It often is the case that two damaged people find each other in a trauma bond. Us children watch this and are left in disbelief, often ending up leaving our FOO. You are not alone in that. It truly hurts, but the positive thing is that you can walk away from it. As an adult you don't have to put up with any abuse anymore. What's left is a feeling of existentalism, loneliness. You are not alone with that feeling and it gives me joy you validate yourself now. I think there lies the answer.

Take care

Lingurine

[BlancaLap]

My father seems to have BPD and my mother NPD although I don't believe in personality disorders...
Both had a hard childhood even if they deny it, because people have told me... and I think it's what they have told you: two people bounded by trauma. That's the worst relationship ever. I wanna get out of my family as soon as I can. Happy to hear you value yourself now.