People in South America Inadvertently helping me heal

[marycontrary]

Life in the US was just too stressful. With the really bad (toxic) food, terrible access to health care, the fact that I could not find steady work as a professor or scientist despite applying to over a 1000 places and having a stellar recommendations and a huge set of skills, the fact of being mentally ill and nearly homeless, despite desperately trying to get out of the sh!t hole I found myself. The crappy, crappy family. Care taking for years and setting up end of life care for 4 people. Worthless exes with zero empathy. And then the politics. I wanted OUT 10 years ago. I made it happen almost a year ago.

I am so disgusted that I will never move back. I almost starved to death in the US. I did everything right, nose in grindstone, took care of family, stayed out of debt (except for student loans, the bastards, 8 scholarships could not cover racing tuition), and the system completely failed me.

It seems like everything was set up for me to fail there.

I come down here, where there are tons of poor people who have been though endless coups, currency deaths, boundary disputes....you name it, and I relate with these people here far more than with my own culture. Imagine being told "good morning"a dozen times a day.  Imagine people, in almost every town or city, making eye contact and wishing you a happy new year. Or making sure you get to where you need to be. Or having a huge preponderance of well adjusted families with well adjusted little kids.  Men who are respectful.

Guys, you just don't have the amount of dysfunction and abuse down here. People MUST be reliable and trustworthy, because this accounts for great social wealth here. The government may fail, but the social structure never will, and it is a very secure safety net. The narcissists and sociopaths get weeded out real quick. The family system monitors child progress like a hawk compared to many westernized countries. Many people dote over one child.

I was so lonely in the US. Here, I have a zillion friends. A zillion strong mommy figures---great, strong older women looking out for me and others. I can walk the streets in most places, no matter how rich or poor, and not be bothered by anybody.

The police and helpful and walk the beat, making relationships with the people in the neighborhood. The military does public works, sets up festivals, and plays in bands. I have not seen one shakedown.

I think I am developing object constancy here.

 

[Whobuddy]

So glad to hear from you! Great that you found a healing place in the world, too.

[Rain]

Thank you, marycontrary, for the gift of this post.   What an amazing Journey you are on.

Your sharing of your experience there reminds me of the Pete Walker's story in his recent book of the refugee families from Bangladesh he witnessed in Calcutta with all the love immediately after a major natural disaster.   Functioning, loving, joyful families, and an interconnected community.   Riches in their heart.   They may have had very little in "stuff," but their hearts were full.

I can well imagine you are finding healing there.   Thanks again!     

[marycontrary]

Thanks so much, both of you. The so called "poor people"  here are far less deprived than the homeless veterans in the states, or just poor folks there. No, they don't have a bunch of walmart junk, but they have top, top shelf socialized medicine, fanstastic public transportation, excellent organic food and very good primary and secondary education. It ain't the same allegorical "3rd world" as we have been brainwashed to believe. The poor just aren't as stressed or desperate as in the states. You have almost no homelessness. The poor in the US are really, really poor, poor, poor. The poor here are just short on cash, but uncommonly flat out deprived. 

[morph]

I can't agree with you more Mary.  I moved from 'civilized' England to 3rd World, despotic government abused Myanmar about 20 years ago.  I had never felt to alive.   

People are not judgmental.  My kids are safe in the streets.   Social order and genuine human empathy have not been replaced but lawyers and self glorifying sitcoms here.   

"Economic Progress", an oxymoron if ever I heard one. 

[marycontrary]

Well understand...these nations are not really abused 3rd world sh!tholes. Poor yes, disorganized or war torn, absolutely not. It ain't the same world.

[C.]

I live in the U.S. but am bilingual/bicultural.  I made the choice about 3 years ago to live in what I call "Mexico, USA."  That means that my music, my media, my social interactions and my purchases occur within Latino cultures as much as possible.  My newer and closest friends are Latina.  I cannot move b/c I don't want to leave my children, but I hear you. 

And absolutely Latin-American cultures on the whole understand and promote emotional wellness.  I think that's why I don't see so many Latinas(os) on these types of forums or dealing with these issues in the same way.  Of course there are exceptions (my ex-husband), but in general what you say is so true.  I think it starts with early childhood where the fussy/normal emotional reality of infants and toddlers is responded to with so much love, nurturing and compassion.  I discovered South America/Latin America 20+ years ago and fell in love with the people, the customs, the language.

[marycontrary]

C., I was from Texas---a big Mexican culture there---and my "adopted" family was Mexican-Am. The very strong maternal figure was the elderly mom in this family. She has had a profound impact in my life. 3rd grade education---grew up illiterate, but self taught English---she is one of the most amazing woman I have ever met.

Of course, multiply that by 1000x here in South America. Mexican (and central American) and South American cultures are very different, but yet have similar threads. It is so relieving to be around families that actually like each other, and not to see children maltreatred. Respect is the grease of almost everything here.

[C.]

It's terrific for you to have found and be in an environment that is more healthy.  I look forward to continuing to hear about your insights and experience there.  I was thinking it might be interesting to have a bilingual Spanish/English language thread?  El lenguaje de mi corazon es espanol tambien..estaba pensando q seria bonito tener un lugar p conversaciones bilingues aqui acerca del cptsd?...y de nuevo gracias por su post!