"Get better"

[Contessa]

Heard this one again.

Such an interesting pattern: A person pushes and pushes you to the brink of, or to an actual, trigger. Cptsd or not, what they do is so unnecessary and so easily avoided.

You have to stop what you're doing, pull back. Something any self loving person would do. They say "get better".

They will never get that we are not ill. They will never see that they are the ones inducing the stress. They will never admit they are being unfair.

[Sceal]

I think they live in their own bubble where they can't or won't see that they are part of the cause of why people are hurting.

I am sorry this happened to you again. I hope you feel better after pulling back.

[Libby12]

My nm was always so proud of herself that she never once told me to "pull yourself together." What she never accepted was that she had a whole other, vast repertoire of phrases, looks and behaviours that communicated exactly that.   I was in no doubt that my pain was my own fault and it was up to me to recover from it.

The only path to recovery was no contact.

Libby.

[Contessa]

Couldn't agree more. There are so many people who get this, but droves of others, whole institutions, that don't.

I feel tremendous Sceal, could not have made a healthier decision for myself to walk away. This was already a repeat of something so common, it's clearly a cycle.

Libby, exactly. It's always "you, you, you", never "What can I do to ease the load for you". You're forced to break away because working it out is impossible

[achilles]

Healing isn't linear, it's a process.  If I feel pressured to "get over" things, it just makes me anxious.  I'm glad you pulled back, I'm actually currently trying to do the same.

[Sceal]

Couldn't agree more. There are so many people who get this, but droves of others, whole institutions, that don't.

I feel tremendous Sceal, could not have made a healthier decision for myself to walk away. This was already a repeat of something so common, it's clearly a cycle.

Libby, exactly. It's always "you, you, you", never "What can I do to ease the load for you". You're forced to break away because working it out is impossible

Happy to hear this!

[Contessa]

Achilles, that's great. And yes, definitely a process
And I think this has been a huge lesson for healing: when to say 'enough'.

It's been too tough pushing myself to achieve these goals. Tough on everyone else doing the same actually, but we get the added  'trigger' extra.

I'm so glad I finally said no

[lexx]

Thanks for sharing this.. people tend to pretend they know what is "normal" for other people in situations like this.. you sharing reminded me that, "No.. they don't.." and that it's okay to put a stop to this. Sounds like something that should be obvious, sure.. but it isn't always.. or so many people wouldn't find this so hard to deal with...