Trauma and Depression

[AphoticAtramentous]

Have been randomly curious over the past few days of others' experience with Depression if you've had it or not.
From what I know (feel free to add any more types I haven't listed), there is:
- Major Depressive Disorder
- Bipolar Disorder
- Seasonal Affective Disorder
- Psychotic Depression
- Postpartum Depression
- Situational Depression/Trauma Depression

I'm mainly curious about the last one listed, seeing as we've all experienced some kind of trauma/big changes.

For myself, I had Situational Depression after one specific event that lasted for half a year. And so kindly it was going on when I was finishing Grade 12 which really didn't help my academic grades.
Got recommended to see a counsellor by a teacher who noticed I was very 'off', bless her heart. And whilst the counsellor wasn't really helping my depression much, it was still nice to talk to someone about the $%^&*# that was going on. Asked my M if I could see a psychologist, took her a few weeks of convincing, and another few months till the actual appointment was booked. Ended up only having three sessions with her before my mother pulled the plug on it because "You don't need it", though it was just in time for my psych to tell me I had depression.
Thankfully, Situational Depression eventually passes and I was slightly more myself at the start of this year. I can barely even remember last year. The depression thing made me feel very lonely, ended up not talking to any of my friends for months, went from sitting at the front of the class to sitting at the very very back up against the wall. I can't imagine what it's like for those who live with Major Depressive Disorder.  I could barely handle 6 months of it, let alone years and years.

So yeah, feel free to share your own experience with it, I'd be interested to know how much of us have gone through Depression/is going through it and who hasn't. Supposedly CPTSD and Depression goes hand in hand though.

[Andyman73]

I was DX with MDD by dr at the Veteran's Hospital where I live, in May of 2015. Been living with PTSD since 1994. I know now that I have CPTSD, even without the DX...I've been living with over 75% of the symptoms for all my adult life...and probably all my teen years as well.

My future axw(abusive ex wife) claims I have Bipolar....but she just says stuff like that for gaslighting me.

[Libby12]

I think I have suffered for as long as I can remember and certainly from teenage years.  On top of that, I can add post-partum depression twice and situational type depression from coping with challenging twins.  The final and worst episode resulted from employment difficulties and finally waking up fully to the lifetime of maternal abuse.

Thankfully,  learning about c-ptsd has eased the depression so much.

[Blueberry]

Depression for almost as long as I can remember. At the latest when I was 7 years old. Not that it was diagnosed or anything. I base that on symptoms.

AA, I heard the "you seem fine now, you don't need help anymore" as a late teen too.  As if parents who've been ignoring problems caused by themselves for years are any good judge of that.

[Sceal]

I fight depression quite often. They come and they go. Sometimes they get too hard, and other times they are more manageable. I've accepted that it'll happen again and again, but it doesn't make it easy. Though I am hopeful that one day they'll start coming less and less.
I've got chronic recurrent depression. Don't really get any therapy for it anymore. The tips are just the same anyway.

[M.R.]

I have always been told that I have depression but it was just recently that they changed that to "Major depression, recurrent, chronic (HC)" And to be honest, I barely deal with it. I wake up with it everyday, and most days battle just to get out of bed.

[Blueberry]

I wake up with it everyday, and most days battle just to get out of bed.

I'm back to battling with getting out of bed atm too. That comes and goes. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone with the getting up battle. 

[ah]

The getting up battle... yeah.

I wonder sometimes, what's life WITHOUT depression? I'm not sure I know what it'd be like, I always have some depression on the back burner.

I've had a few very bad bouts of depression: at age 9 (for months I didn't sleep/had constant nightmares, didn't wash - I wonder how I didn't stink? How no one noticed? Ah well... people only see what they want to see), another at age 14 (didn't eat, speak or wash), another age 16 (same) 'etc., all situational. Things were especially abusive during those times. 

Nowadays it's something that comes and goes, I bear it. There are especially bad hours / days / months and then there are much lighter ones depending on my level of despair, I've noticed despair "turns on" my depression. It may be the collapse that comes after prolonged fight or flight. Despair makes me anxious, then depressed when anxiety runs out / I'm still helpless.

I've never been treated for it, never went to therapy after disastrous experiences as a teenager, a friend called social services behind my back to report I was being abused and as a result my father had me committed, turned everyone against me, made sure I'd never be believed again and succeeded in keeping me silent. So I've never gone to therapy but I know I've had depression for life. I'd be surprised if I didn't. It worked, it shut me down from my surroundings, like a shield. Kept me in one piece.
Well, mostly one piece...

[sanmagic7]

i've had depression and anxiety since i was a teen.  wasn't diagnosed until in my 40's, when it became overwhelming after 8 yrs. w/ a bad t.  went on meds at that time. had post-partum dep. twice, but was never treated.  moved to mex. in my 50's, was diagnosed bi-polar w/ major depression, lots of meds for that.

being a therapist, i knew a little about depression, some of what may cause it.  in my case, lots of anger and repressed emotions, and i did some therapeutic exercises for myself which eventually enabled me to wean myself off the meds and not feel depressed anymore (i don't suggest anyone do this kind of thing without a professional to help - very intense work).

since then, i haven't been on meds again, but have had bouts of depression which were situational, but i was able to get out from under them, usually therapeutically, without more meds.   the meds did help for awhile, but i also began having bad side effects after a few years. 

it's so different for everyone, but i do believe it's quite common a condition for those of us with c-ptsd.  so many unexpressed emotions that we've bottled up, and our minds get overwhelmed with the enormity of what we've dealt with. 

[Blueberry]

My enF has depression. His take on that, and the official family one, is that it's purely chemical/biological in origin. My GP from when I still lived with FOO said that when docs or therapists don't sense any openness towards the idea of someone needing therapy or having an emotional component to depression, they won't pursue it. So the possibility might have been mentioned to F, or not, but he wasn't open to it, and so for him it's purely chemical/biological in origin. My early therapists (after I'd left FOO) assumed that as a child I copied enF's way of acting because it is/was closer to my nature than the acting out done by M and B1. They both tended to violence including physical abuse of each other and me and objects, and swearing and raging and all that.

So I've been copying depression since at the latest the age of seven. It's a pretty habitual coping mechanism. Actually it's assumed I started way earlier too. I know that when I was pre-teen, I think maybe about 11 years old, I decided not to do anything any more, not to be active in any way because whatever I decided was wrong in the eyes of FOO, and did they ever let me know it (!!), so I decided to become passive, so as not to waste any energy any more. I've since been told that you need to consciously reverse that kind of decision. I realise for myself that this conscious decision has to be on an emotional level, not just on a cognitive level. I don't know what I still need to do, or what further healing is necessary for me to get far enough to reverse that decision. Maybe it'll creep up on me.

I don't personally believe that depression is chemical/biological in origin. I believe the theory of the suppression of emotions. I can even feel and observe the opposite in therapy atm. I say and shout and otherwise express what I really would like to say to FOO and suddenly I can feel energy flowing through my body and I can breathe more easily.

I'm not a doctor, so what I believe is mostly relevant for myself. There may be cases where chemical/biological depression is a reality. I don't believe it in enF's case though. It's his business, sort of. But burying himself in chemical/biological depression allowed him to ignore what was happening to me as a child.

[Gwyon]

A definite yes to depression as a large piece of my story.  Chronic and relentless through most of my life, though I've developed some coping tools later in life.

Interestingly for me I thought it all was simply "chronic depression" until recently when I started learning about the "ptsd" nature of childhood trauma, and now I'm convinced I "have" c-ptsd ... and that it is a real thing.  This realization was pivotal for me, as I now see the depression as one symptom of something that is much bigger. And in dealing with it as trauma-based I am finding a more hopeful path to recovery, or at least accomodation, through that new lens.

Thanks for posting.