Saying what's up

[Faraway flower]

 

Hey thank you all for creating and contributing to this site. I've been using some other areas of the site as resources for about a month and today am speaking up. Knowing that there is a community of people dedicated to healing is game changing!

I don't know what to say even though I felt today like I don't want to be silent anymore. I share the diagnosis of CPTSD as well as a long fam. history of mental illness. Noticing my numbness and tendency to isolate...already I'm debating erasing this entry! (haha! I gotta laugh at my patterns sometimes)

I'm currently burying and repressing my emotions and it does not feel good! Hoping to learn more effective ways of being here. Signing up for therapy too, nervous to try trusting someone in that role, but wanting to take care of myself  and get connected. any tips for taking calculated risks/getting help when one's intuition and panic responses are all jumbled?

Also, I really want to help too! Hope to become a better listener, friend and ally.

Thanks for existing, lots of good heart going out to you all.

[Kizzie]

Hi FarawayFlower and a warm welcome to OOTS    Glad to hear you've been poking around the site and finding some useful resources.  Also glad you didn't delete your post, yay you!      It's quite common to feel that way (vulnerable), but it does get easier   

any tips for taking calculated risks/getting help when one's intuition and panic responses are all jumbled?

Therapy and coming here will hopefully help to slow all the noise in your head and heart and help you to begin to make some sense of it all.  My tip would be to just go slowly and take things a bit at a time so that you don't feel overwhelmed.  Personally I wanted to "rip the bandaid off" initially and found out fairly quickly that wasn't a good idea. So patience, but also learning to be as self-compassionate as you can, these both have helped me in recovery. 

[Blueberry]

Welcome on here FarawayFlower! 

[Dee]

Welcome!

[sanmagic7]

glad you didn't delete, faraway flower.  welcome, and a warm, safe hug to you.

i echo kizzie about going slow with this.  it can easily get overwhelming.  it's your recovery, so it's at the pace that feels comfortable to you.   as far as therapy, going slowly, feeling the vibe from your therapist, being aware of how you feel in his/her presence are all ways that you can begin to know if it's a safe place for you.  someone versed in trauma is ideal, but other therapists can be helpful as well.  it depends on what you need and how you're feeling, if you're making progress.

it's good to hear your voice.  very glad you're here.

[Faraway flower]

Thank you all for your kind responses. I'm grateful for the advice to take it slow. 🐌🌷

[ah]

Hi Faraway flower,

I felt like deleting my first post too. You're in good company. Or very bad, depending on one's point of view...

Overwhelming it certainly is, at least for me.
Granted it's also a very difficult time for me unrelated to my past or even my current abusers, but I've begun reading about cptsd and trauma only a couple of months ago, and I'm slowly learning to pace myself so I won't get too crazily overwhelmed. I need this information, I want to know it all, I feel a huge need to understand, but it's definitely triggering. Some books are better than others for me, the ones that focus on compassion (like compassion based therapy) tend to be less triggering for me personally. I'm slowly experimenting and learning to switch back and forth, to read a bit and think a bit and then stop and distract myself on purpose. To try to practice mindfulness in earnest, then stop and distract myself on purpose to give my body time to get all of it.

Cptsd is always created by such extreme pain... and part of it is we forget it, deny, internalize, bury it, repress it and repress ourselves so strongly... being in touch with it is no small task.

You're not alone.

And welcome

[sanmagic7]

really good insight, ah, on self-care with this stuff.  it definitely can become overwhelming if we take in too much too fast.  i learned that the hard way.  so, flower, your pace, your recovery.  each step, no matter how small, counts.  you've got this.  sending you a hug filled with insight and comfort.

[funkytom8]

Hey, I isolate a good deal too!  Pete Walker's book helped me understand this stuff and see how that behavior is a coping mechanism...also the book normalized how some people are better helped by stuff like online support communities before they can be helped by people in real life.  very grateful for that! 

thanks for joining here just like i did

[sanmagic7]

glad you're here, too, funky.  this forum has been so supportive for me.  i hope you find some of that for yourself as well.  best to you.