Newbie. All help and tips welcome

Started by Snookiebookie, October 20, 2017, 07:31:31 AM

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Snookiebookie

Hi

I'm new. :cheer:

Not actually been diagnosed but fit most of the criteria. I'm in UK and been in the mental system for over 20 years. They focus on treatment as opposed to finding diagnosis. Recently been told by NHS that there is nothing more to offer in way of treatment.

I'm currently self funding counselling with someone who focus on relational counselling.

I feel that all my relationships are toxic in some way. Subjected to domestic violence as a child and neglect from my mum as an adult.

How do you cope? What treatments do you recommend? Other tips?

Thanks

AphoticAtramentous

Hey there Snookie. ^-^ It's a pleasure to meet you.

Are you in an abusive relationship at the moment? You said you're seeing relational counselling... (I don't know what relational counselling actually is, I just assume they're the people you talk to about your current relationship like marriage counselling or something) I ask because well, the first major step to treatment is to rid yourself of whatever abusive sources you have around you.
These questions "How do you cope" and "what treatments do you recommend" can be very broad, I think? It really depends from person to person, your specific experiences and what works best for you (which you will find through experimentation and what not) There's also many different symptoms to CPTSD so if you want to know how to 'cope', you're better off asking how to cope with a specific symptom. It's better to look at recovery like this anyway, in snippets and parts that you can do one at a time. :)
However good general first steps you can try is reading up on CPTSD and trauma in general, do breathing exercises, and mindfulness exercises. ^-^ I'm not a psychologist or an expert by any means, but these seem to be common things that most therapists ask you to try.


Sceal

Have you tried art-therapy or music therapy? I've not tried those myself, but I've heard good words.

But Aphotic said that the first step is to step outside of abuse, get away from that and toxic environments. Sometimes that's easier said than done, and it can be incredible scary - and lonely. But being surrounded by toxic relationship is the same thing as working against your recovery and theraputic process. Just like walking on a broken leg will not get you very far, and you'll constantly be in pain.
If you're still surrounded by toxic people, maybe there are steps you can take to start reducing their involvement in your life?

Other than that, I want to say welcome to the forum!

JamesG

my biggest tips are:

1. learn everything there is on how the mechanics of trauma work (spartan life coach is excellent on youtube).

2.Share in here and see how not alone you are.

3. Don't blame yourself. Everything is a normal reaction to abnormal events.

4. Listen to your body and mind and learn to trust that it is working to help you. When it says rest, rest.

5. Be good to yourself, the majority of C-PTSD is a reaction to repetitive negative stimulus, some of it deliberate, much of it through neglect. The inner critic usually has the voice of others cheering it on. Think about those restrictions and doubts and ask yourself who or what is projecting them at you. Most, if not all, will be meaningless if you the bright light of psychology on them.

6. We are all entitled to happiness and a future. No one NO ONE, is entitled to lean into your life and alter it for the worse. Learning to see how that has been done and how it has affected you right down to your brain chemistry, is a big step to dismantling the cages we end up in.


Snookiebookie

#4
Many, many thanks for all the wonderful replies.

In response I would say, that no, I'm not in an abusive relationship.  I left my dad when I was 17. But his behaviour still effects me. It's kinda like part of my programming.

I'm coming to realise that my mum's treatment of me as an adult was far too judgemental. It has shaped and interfered with the relationship with my daughter (13). My mum passed away last year and I'm slowly coming to terms with the aftermath of how I was treated. I'm finding it difficult and refreshing that I no longer have those issues to deal with.

Given that my parents have treated me the way they have, it effects the other relationships that I have. I'm more likely to be bullied, less likely to be forceful.  It's effected my self esteem and self image - especially when others have treated me badly. I feel that I'm a bad person, who isn't entitled to nice things. 

As relationships seem to be at the heart of the problem, I felt that a counsellor who dealt with relational therapy would help. But to be fair, there are very few near me who deal with emotional trauma. It's early days.....

I have dabbled with yoga and mindfulness.  I do breathing exercises for stress relief.

As far as individual symptoms, anxiety, deep deep sense of shame, avoidance (of people, of situations, of confrontation), depression. I feel that I'm unlovable but I'm always seeking that one person to love me, approve of me.... In short to come  and rescue me.  Any advice in those areas?

Thanks

Three Roses

Hello and welcome!

What you describe in your last paragraph sounds like your inner critic, abbreviated ICr around here. (IC refers to inner child.)

This ICr is not your own voice, it's important to know that. I found this in the archives, it helps explain our ICr a little.
http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=640.msg4712#msg4712

Pete Walker also has some insight into handling that critical voice we've all developed - http://pete-walker.com/shrinkingInnerCritic.htm

Hope that helps!
:heythere: