Hello all, hoping for a sunrise :)

[aurora]

I find it very overwhelming to try to sum up who I am and how I got here in just a short blurb; somedays I see it clearly and others it's just a series of flashes. The feelings that come back can knock me off my feet.
I'll be 43 soon but I feel I've lived most of my life stuck in a fog, just surviving. It was only a few years ago that I caught real sight of the things around me,  I am still struggling to free myself completely from the claws. I battle with depression, anxiety, low self worth and an intense fear of abandonment . I have issues with trust and avoid meeting people.
Growing up, my childhood was robbed from me; most of my memories are nonexistent.  I watched for years how the byproduct of addiction led to the abuse and neglect of my mother. One day I cried for him to stop; but my show of fear made him aware of my presence. I never told her.
And the cycle continued even when I thought I had found rescue.
I'm not sure how I was given the strength to face the years that followed, with the challenges put before me and poor choices that I made. I had no concept of good choices.  It was all kept hidden; so well, in fact, that when I tore the pretty paper and ribbon that hid it, no one believed it to be true.
I was devastated that when just a small edge of the ugliness was revealed how fast those I thought were friends vanished, leaving just one. One who I know faces his own storm.
For me, for my kids and for my friend I come here hoping to find a safe place that helps builds strength and encourages hope in a new tomorrow.

[keepfighting]

Hi, aurora,

nice to meet you on this forum! 

Much of what you write resonates with me - probably most of all your reasons of looking for support in your efforts to create a better tomorrow:

For me, for my kids and for my friend I come here hoping to find a safe place that helps builds strength and encourages hope in a new tomorrow.

That's a very positive and powerful motivation! 

I can also very much relate to the struggle you have with your low self esteem. It's hard to make good choices if somewhere deep down you don't feel that you're worth it, isn't it? - At least, that's where I often go wrong...

Have you checked out Pete Walkers website on CPTSD yet? http://www.pete-walker.com/

I hope you'll find a lot of the support and encouragement you need to create your brighter tomorrow here. 

Best wishes, kf

[Rain]

Welcome aurora!

keepfighting said it all so well.   Do have hope, as you have expressed.

The fog will lift as you heal, and you can have company and support here at OOTS on your Journey.

The edges of the pretty paper, and the ugliness behind it, will be accepted and embraced here as we know the courage it takes for you to see more and more of it, and for you to share some of it here.   We are here to support you, as you can do us.

People run, friends run, sometimes when someone else's truth comes too close to their own.   So, please do not take that to heart with their abandonment of you.

You matter, aurora.    And, I look forward to your future posts here as you shine more of the Light of who you are, and how you are healing here.

Grace and Healing in your Journey.

Rain     

[flookadelic]

Hallo Aurora!

First up, that post took guts. Respect, dear froot, respect.

Secondly we don't know where we get the strength from until someone actually asks us to consider the possibility that we are so much stronger than we think. And the proof is that we are still here. You are so, so strong.  I'm sorry that people have recoiled from your trauma. People frighten easily, or they don't have much compassion...or any number of reasons. But to me trauma is more like a wound than an enemy. And that makes things a bit easier. Anyways here you will find non judgement, understanding and a friendly, warm space. Welcome

[Kizzie]

Welcome Aurora, you are safe here