Bit of a mental mess...

[Rainagain]

Hopefully once the emdr is complete your memories won't be incompletely processed in the brain, they will be stored in the correct place.

Once that is done you should feel differently about your past and will have a different memory landscape.

Its just an initial step to complete the processing of memory which couldn't happen at the time due to being traumatised, there will be plenty of things to work on afterwards but at least you should have a proper chance to heal and make sense of your memories.
It is pointless to try to change the past but if you persevere you may have a better chance at a future which is less painful.
I was scared of emdr, I had 6 sessions and only managed to work on one really bad stuck memory, but it was the memory that caused me the most pain and emdr helped a lot with it.

The doubts you express could be a natural aversion to going into traumatic memories and avoidance is part of trauma, if you can face it then emdr can really help.

I could have gotten more from my sessions if I hadn't been resistant and scared, but I did the best I could at the time.

[sanmagic7]

i don't know how it's done in the uk.  in the states, emdr can be part of a total package of therapy.  like, you don't necessarily do the emdr 'part' (the bilateral stimulation) all the time, but process a memory/feeling/sensation/whatever and process it thru talking about it in order to discover how you and your life are now affected.

this can all be done with the same therapist, altho sometimes people have one therapist for regular issues, and an emdr therapist as an adjunct for the trauma parts.  it just depends on what works best for you.  you don't necessarily have to talk about it if you don't want to.

the idea of going back into the traumatic bits is as rainagain  said - it's to help the brain reprocess a memory that was stuck in time as a traumatic event.   being stuck like that is what interferes with our being able to function easily and happily in life.  reprocessing it helps take the 'punch' out of it, which diminishes triggers, ef's, and unhealthy coping skills. 

best to you with this.  i hope it goes well for you.  big hug filled with encouragement and care.

[east17]

Some things are best left alone. If I was only dealing with the past, maybe I could continue, but too much ****in the present. Can't cope with it all.
I can't do this any more.

[JamesG]

yes you can

yes you will

defiance... why should you go down for the behaviour of others, that's outrageous. !@£$%^ em. Fight back.

[east17]

I hear where you are coming from, but it's not about them winning. It's about me doing what I need to do to survive; at the moment that means shutting down. Therapy isn't helping me, right now it's making things worse.

[JamesG]

it's a bullet that has to be dug out. It hurts because you are getting nearer to the core of the thing. The pain can come because you are holding back, trying to normailse in the face of the abnormal. At some point shutting down has to pass and acceptance has to kick in, if not then the numbness becomes you, forever.

I'm coming out of that stage and it's been very rough. Accepting what has been done to you is a *. It feels all wrong and utterly hopeless a lot of the time, but this side of the fire I am feeling a weight lift that had been there since I was a teen. My advice, for what it is worth, is to roll up your sleeves, and go in swinging. Take the pain and see it for the medical intervention it is.

If you are in East 17, so am I, at least for now.

[Three Roses]

I felt at the beginning of therapy that was making me worse too. I think that may be normal? After all, it's an injury that was never properly attended to, so it's not going to like being disturbed.

I like to think of it (at least in my own situation) as a broken bone that healed improperly and has to be re broken to be healed the right way.

Big hugs to you as you go through this, the pain is unimaginable and inexpressible sometimes. I trust you can come through this. Thanks for posting.

[east17]

Does anyone who has done / is doing EMDR, know if instead of working with a memory or image, you can just work with the feelings / emotions around it, would the EMDR process still work?

[sanmagic7]

yep, it would.  those are often good starting places.