it's a bullet that has to be dug out. It hurts because you are getting nearer to the core of the thing. The pain can come because you are holding back, trying to normailse in the face of the abnormal. At some point shutting down has to pass and acceptance has to kick in, if not then the numbness becomes you, forever.
I'm coming out of that stage and it's been very rough. Accepting what has been done to you is a *. It feels all wrong and utterly hopeless a lot of the time, but this side of the fire I am feeling a weight lift that had been there since I was a teen. My advice, for what it is worth, is to roll up your sleeves, and go in swinging. Take the pain and see it for the medical intervention it is.
If you are in East 17, so am I, at least for now.