undeserving?

[helliepig]

I've noticed I feel a bit guilty posting and taking up space.

And then when people reply I feel really touched that they have done so (it feels like I've been told it's ok for me to have posted) and then guilty - I don't deserve this kindness and interest.
I then feel like I have to then give something back - like I'm in debt somehow and ungrateful or not a nice person.

Interesting that the guidelines to the site encourage you to post about your healing first and helping others second. When I read that it felt quite powerful and great to know the site is being moderated in such a good way. Maybe I can experiment with that permission and what it's like to be worth someone's comments and cyberhugs.

Anyone else relate to this?

[Blueberry]

Interesting that the guidelines to the site encourage you to post about your healing first and helping others second.

I've read the Guidelines a number of times and never taken this bit of info in! I believe you that it's there, but interestingly enough I didn't absorb the information.

I can relate to what you've written. I don't react so strongly anymore. I've been in a lot of inpatient treatment over the years, and I remember one place I used to thank fellow patients for (safe) hugs. I remember standing there tears streaming donw my face and somebody hugging me, because they were so moved by my pain - that's how it was in that place - and saying to me "you can just be, you don't have to thank me for this". And other people round about agreeing! I have tears in my eyes remembering.

It's totally OK that you have posted. Of course you deserve kindness and interest. You deserved it growing up, from your FOO but I guess you didn't get it, so you're still questioning now. 

[Dee]

You are totally deserving of the support from this community.  Post as much as you want and people can reply if and when they want.  It is their decision to make.  You don't take up space and I wouldn't want you to feel invisible or unworthy.  I for one, would hate for you to be silent.

People use the forum in their own ways.  Some people like to post.  Other's are more comfortable replying to post that they can relate to.  It all works together. 

I'm glad you are here.

[woodsgnome]

It's so different, for some here--to be acknowledged as worthwhile, on equal footing in this corner of humanity. Sometimes, from within my bubble, it's hard to figure any of this out, and/or that I have any part in it. But I've learned there's nothing to figure, even that it's okay not to always feel okay.

Then I look around here, find that others too have been hurt to the edge of what can only be called life-draining and yet find themselves still traveling together; not so alone anymore. It's cool to see that you're here, joining this improbable but courageous group.

[Rainagain]

Helliepig,
You shouldn't feel guilty about posting at all.
I find a lot of the posts on this forum helpful as I recognise the feelings expressed.
I have no answers for myself or anyone else really but if I think of something helpful I will post.
If not I take comfort from recognising that on here others have the same difficulties that I face, feels like a connection in a way that I don't have with people I know in real life as they all seem relatively unscathed by life.

Keep calm and carry on posting.

[Morashika]

It is a good thing and must be told.

[JamesG]

hellipig, you are worth more than you know. We love you and want to hear everything you have to say. Every post in here contributes to our collective understanding of what we are all going through. We all have value and we all have worth.

I would like to have serious words with the people who made you feel otherwise.