Images of suicide

[PeTe]

First, I'm not suicidal, even during suicidal ideation.

Sometimes I get to a place where I tell myself suicide is a solution, or worse for me, images of committing suicide appear. These images have a strong effect on me because they are so immediate, and somehow harder to rationalise. The images change how I feel immediately, and it's quite unravelling. Does anyone else have experience with images of suicide, and how do you relate to them?

Now that I allow myself to think about it, I guess I could try to envisage me in the same context as the images, but with a happy ending instead, like being with supportive friends, having a good time. Any other input on how to deal with it is still appreciated 

[AphoticAtramentous]

I think I feel the same way at times. It comes on so strongly and suddenly, and the images can be really hard to shake off. I haven't really found a way to deal with them, just kinda wait till it all passes.

[PeTe]

That's sad to hear AphoticAtramentous. Suicide thoughts and images are such lonely places to be. I hope you reach out to people when you need it.

I find the images can pop up at any time. I guess that's part of why it rattles me so much. It punctures normalcy and stability, and makes me feel I'm not in control, and that I never can trust being happy and care-free. Actually there are several negative feelings that can appear at any time and pull the rug out from underneath me, so perhaps it's a part of me that keeps me vigilant. Though the function of suicidal ideation beats me.

If I remember it next time it pops up, I'd like to try to paint another picture in my head, as imagery is processed more immediately on an emotional level than words. Probably why the images of suicide have such a strong effect in the first place. Perhaps you'd like to try it, too, but it's just a suggestion, of course. I've used the technique when I have negative thoughts about the future or am stressed about a future event. Say, I've been afraid to give a presentation in front of a crowd, I've visualised people looking interested, giving an applause and someone coming over to thank me and continue discussing after the presentation is over. It can probably be adapted to any situation, and has worked at reducing negative feelings for me.

Take care!

[PeTe]

I got a new suicide image the other day, and I tried to visualise another situation. It really worked great - from instantaneously feeling bad, angry at myself, hopeless etc, I went to feeling upbeat. The positive feeling I think came both because what I visualised was a bit unlikely behaviour on my part, but also because I could do something acitvely to make the negative image and the negative feelings go away. What a relief!

I don't want to say exactly what I visualised, so as to not trigger anyone. A parallell could perhaps be seeing myself walking down a pedestrian street, looking down on the ground and feeling depressed, to visualising myself dancing down that street while others were looking on and smiling. I hope this doesn't sound silly and that anyone who's having suicide ideation feels offended by the apparent lightness I approach the problem with. I'm well aware how terrible it feels to have suicide ideation, and it might not be that this works for everyone in every situation. My warmest feelings go out to anyone with SI!

[Blueberry]

IThe positive feeling I think came both because what I visualised was a bit unlikely behaviour on my part, but also because I could do something acitvely to make the negative image and the negative feelings go away. What a relief!

This sounds great progress PeTe. 

[PeTe]

Thanks Blueberry 

It does feel like an important step in overcoming emotional flashbacks in a better way.

I'll have to find other ways to regulate the sneaky feelings that just implant themselves