Today I am grateful .... (Part 3)

[Kizzie]

... we moved far away from my uNPD FOO and are LC as there is a dramafest playing out currently.

[Rainagain]

I am grateful that I have been strong enough to carry on through difficult experiences.

[Blueberry]

I am grateful that there is another 'freelance colleague' near me who is willing to help me out sometimes. It's helpful for me to be able to outsource a tiny bit of my contract work sometimes. That way I can take on a contract and earn a little money. She doesn't even want to bill me for the last little bit of help, she just suggested I buy her a drink next time our local professional association meets up. This is very generous.

Although I don't think she really understands about CPTSD, she encourages me, says things like "hey, it's good you're trying this work again!" She's certainly not disparaging or anything. 

[Kizzie]

... two new knees     Yesterday I went for a walk by the river - no cane or walker, and today I went for a bike ride - it's been years.  Huzzah! 

[Blueberry]

    Just in time for spring too!

[radical]

I'm very grateful to have had what so far has been wonderfully successful surgery, to feel much better than before and have almost no pain, just six days out, to have recovered a huge amount of function and sensation already, to be alive on  a glorious spring day, and to live in a country that provides medical treatment to citizens without charge.

[Blueberry]

Sounds great radical!

[Three Roses]

• Crisp feeling in the air
• health is good
• feeling more stable emotionally

[SunnyDays]

That I've found the beginning of a solution time ago, and today I'm closer to it.

And also because the sky is blue and the sun is shining in a warm way.

[Laura90]

My poodle Merlin licks my tears and soothes me. I have professional support. I have 6 hours a week to work that is slowly building my self belief and responsibility.

[Boy22]

That my neighbours are so kind and sharing. Today I have puppy sat their 3 month old golden retriever. We have been to a surf beach on the west coast and had a walk along the beach, the dog was overjoyed to have a new location to explore and fascinated by the waves. Then after my lunch time rest (back home in the dark and quiet) we went to a sculpture trail and explored that and some of the nearby fields.

We are back at the neighbours, I have made coffee and the dog is laid at my feet resting after an exciting day.

[milk]

For a few (more than I ever thought possible) brilliant friends that continue to be there and the incredible sunsets and moonrise’s I get to see every day.

[milk]

Today I am grateful for my mind. I have never shared this before or thought about it, till now. The inner critic tends to turn these thoughts down before I become aware of them — not today.

It is my mind that helps me to,...

recognize the difference between sadness and depression
know when I need help and what kind: yoga, meditation, good food, exercise,  medication or not
reflect/express myself through movement, speaking, writing, eating, sex, intimacy, drawing, photography
recall or look for information that can help me to make better decisions
pay attention to others and put my issues on the shelf
to trust the life I am making one change at a time
be patient

[milk]

I am grateful for the forum and the people here. This place is helping me to work through my thoughts at a critical moment in life.

[woodsgnome]

Today I'm grateful for ... a surprising discovery I made recently.

The biggest surprise of late ... an innocent note that was rediscovered. It literally fluttered out of an old journal into which I had put it several years ago. It was a thank you note from someone whose wife I had cared for during my time as a hospice volunteer. It concluded by reminding me that my compassion was noticed, deeply appreciated, and special.

What surprised me the most was how I was able to fully absorb what he wrote and not just resist it in my usual numbness. I seem to have lots of compassion per the comments he, and others, made. What I've never done is truly identify and accept that trait. My therapist has also frequently noted how I can't seem to take it in, to value its strong presence in my life. And especially pair it with self-compassion, which has been in short supply in my life.

I'm braced to fear surprises; I still hesitate at what I might find as the anxiety runs amok;  even compliments are so hard to handle. Then reminders show up, like the one just described. My takeaway is that surprises can be more than tension builders when they happen. Some remind me that love exists, and that even I have experienced it and, shockingly, even deserve it; for real.

Hope this makes sense. Mainly I needed to express my gratitude for this surprise, and not disregard it like I usually do ("bah humbug"). I'm so good at accepting the bad I see in myself, which I'm beginning to realize is an extremely sad remnant of abuse where I learned to fear. Still working to overcome this, and grateful that I've survived the impact, even if I need surprises to remind me.