Approval

[Snookiebookie]

During this week's therapy session my therapist suggested that the root of my problem is that I've never had approval from my parents. Then I go searching for approval from others, usual the wrong kind of people - who treat me badly, so it reinforces what I'm already feeling, i.e. that I'm not worthy. And the spiral continues, and I go searching for approval and end up feeling worse.

She also pointed out that I need to feel OK about myself. This would mean that when I meet people I wouldn't need to feel like I have to have their approval. I'd be meeting them on even terms, not from a position of disadvantage, of feeling lower than them.

This makes a lot of sense. Anyone else feel the same? 

It's become obvious that I'm seeking my mother's approval. Sadly she passed away last year, so there's no way I'll ever get it.  Even if she were still here, it's unlikely that she'd understand why I feel the way that I do.

I know that I really thirsty for approval, but given my anxieties I'm extremely good at keeping people at a distance. So people rarely get close to me.  I'm scared that they'll reject me, criticise me, judge me, hurt me.  But how will I ever feel approved of if I'm effectively keeping people away from me?

Any comments? Suggestions?

[Three Roses]

For me, when I'm feeling needy and addicted to approval, it usually means I'm feeling fragile about something. This can almost always be eventually traced to feelings of neglect in childhood. Working with my inner child helps me overcome and know I can stand on my own, acknowledging not only my strengths but also the areas that I can improve on.

[Dee]

I always seek approval.  I feel less than and I don't rely on my own decisions because I don't trust them.  Where I want to be is to feel that the only approval I need is my own.  I need to work on talking back to my inner critic and telling myself positive affirmations until I believe them. 

[helliepig]

Totally.
I approve of myself when alone (sometimes) but with people I'm off balance, always trying to be good enough and mortified if I mess up
The approval or attention need is like a big ache inside without which it all feels empty
Trying to figure out how to convince myself my own approval is enough