I'm going to take a leap of faith here...
This morning I am experiencing my recurring EF of vulnerability, shame, and grief. And it is a classic pattern triggered by starting to interact on this forum. I suspect most of you will recognize the pattern: i'm happy to find the community, I start posting thinking i'm doing it in all sincerity and openness (and to a large extent i am), and then I wait anxiously for responses, and realize that -- as per usual -- what I am really seeking is validation and connection, and when it doesn't come quite in the form I need then I start the inner shaming of "well of course, you aren't worthy of that. all these other folks may be, but you're not". And of course I know intellectually this is not true, and I'm doing my "inner work" to process the emotional flashback. But it is a common pattern, and insidious -- the very act of trying to connect, needing to connect, leads to a shamful rebound when I don't get what i think I need. and of course, only I can give myself that. It's a catch-22 that I often struggle with. Do other's recognize this pattern, and this catch-22 of engaging with others?