A family member in pain and it's relationship to ongoing, generational cptsd

[C.]

My niece is in the hospital for depression and a near-suicide attempt.  She is a teenager.  She is being raised by my brother and his wife/her mom who love her deeply.  Given the fact that my younger brother (parent to this niece) was raised by the same parents as me, I know that CPTSD has a role in his reality, but I believe he is in denial, especially with regards my mother's role.  I know not to bring up too much now and to simply support he and his family.  That said, I see an opportunity here for more holistic and complete healing for everyone.  I could see my family scapegoat this niece much like they did me as the "crazy" one...in fact my parents treat my two nieces a lot like they did my brother and I...this niece is treated/viewed much how i was by them, emotions of pain ignored, corrected, distracted, criticized and dismissed...when the family does activities they do what the younger niece wants and the other niece get's more positives from her father (my brother) and grandparents...suggestions?  thoughts?  ideas? similar stories?

[zazu]

C.,

I don't have much practical advice except to ask if there is any way you can be the "safe" person in your niece's life. Having even one person she can trust as a safe and nonjudgemental support can make a world of difference.  Even if her parents do love her, it may be a little easier for her to trust someone outside her immediate family. If your brother is in denial, that makes it even more important that there is someone who is "in the know" about the family troubles.

It would be nice to heal the whole family, sure, but trying to bring your bro out of denial might open up a new set of problems. Just try to concentrate on your niece right now. Maybe by setting an example with your niece, he may develop some awareness of what's going on with his/your FOO. Maybe family therapy might come into it when they decide on a course of treatment.

Good luck and I hope your niece feels better soon. I've been where she is, and desperately wished there had been someone to be there for me. As it was, I was grateful for the kindness of the strangers I met in the hospital, and I still rememeber them to this day. All the same, they were strangers. There was no way to maintain a relationship/support system. With your niece, you already have a relationship. Maybe you can be the one who helps her develop her support system.

[C.]

Well said, thank you for your thoughts, important things to think about and act on.  It's strange to see everyone in such a fog/confusion of the reality, but modeling health, recovery and emotional support/intelligence will help.  Certainly my niece is the place to start and focus for the moment.  Again, thank you.