Andyman's journal/story/whatever/collection of random thoughts out of the ether.

Andyman73 · June 09, 2018, 11:57:32 PM

I've lost the most precious friend I've ever ever had...maybe forever. I got to know her in an online survivors community. We had gotten to the point of discussing our futures together. She has DID, and I have gotten to know 7-8 of her littles/others. And they welcomed mine with open arms. I only know that she's alive and slowly getting better day by day. Her adult son said it was my fault. I didn't hear anything for 5 days, so I thought she had a stroke or a mental breakdown. She was feeling off, and had had a stroke 27 years ago during birth of her son. She lost 2 weeks of time when that happened. But when her son texted me from her phone, and said what he did, I wondered if he was implying his dad beat her so bad she was hospitalized. Son said I was the cause of the verbal abuse, and other abuses too.

Son grew up in that house, knows his dad has been very abusive in every manner of DV abuse, to his mom, and to him sometimes too. Even just 6-8 weeks ago his dad was physically violent with him. This stuff has been going on over the 27 years of their marriage...so...sure aint my fault. I know I was making her happy. She told me so. And her coworkers knew that someone good had finally come into her life, cuz they could see it on her face.

And now....

we all alone again. We talked and texted every day...all the time...not justme and her, but me and her others/littles too. Feels like lost whole group.

Then just a few days ago had flashback triggered by another online friend's own memory being shared...

TW TW TW !!!!!

they were talking about gettng a sense of being caged as a young child..in a dog carrier/kennel. That triggered me...little andy told me he remmbers stuck in box by mean boy at nursery, when we were 2...him would sit on lid and squish us inside, cuz just not quite big enough. Also then I had body memory from a few years after that, of being in something bigger, all dark, and getting jabbed with sharp sticks through small holes in box. Made holes in my shirt, which made mommy mad, and her beats me then, for ruining shirt.

End TW

can get hugs, please?

sanmagic7 · June 10, 2018, 02:18:28 PM

andy, you're absolutely right that you're not to blame for her abuse. i'm just sorry she's in that kind of relationship. how horrible.

too often, the abuser is not held accountable for their actions, and the blame is placed somewhere else. my guess is that it feels safer to the son to blame someone other than his abusive father. i'm glad you're not taking that responsibility onto your own shoulders. i just wish she could get out.

big warm, loving hug to you, andy. i hope she can find her way back to you - i have no doubt that you are a very positive force in her life. fingers crossed and prayers flying, sweetie.

Andyman73 · June 11, 2018, 07:32:02 PM

san, thank you for the hugs.

Yeah, but it hard to take it sometimes. And cuz she so scared of Drs and such, that keeping her trapped too. Cuz of her ra/mc background, she too afraid if she lets them help her, she be giving up control of her life and be stuck in some horrorshow forever. Like she isn't now already.

if she could get away, then her abuser would be held accountable, cuz he would fail miserably at running his own life. He's proven that over and over by screwing everything up now, and blaming her for it. He bought expensive tv for his gf, but then blamed wife for not being better with her money so he can get his truck fixed. Nevermind that she pays nearly all the bills, and he and gone behind her back to issue stop payments on several of the checks.

Maybe now, with whatever's going on with her health, maybe now her abusive husband will finally get what's owed him. So many States, if not, all of the States here in the U.S. seem to have little to no legal recourse to help people like her, who are so far under their abuser's thumb that they can't help themselves. Seems the law only cares if children are involved. And even then, sometimes they drop the ball and kids get hurt even after the law knew about their situation and did nothing.

WE hope so too, that she can find us. We not change anything so she can contact us in any of the ways as before. Thank you for hugs and prayers, so nice to have them.

Hope67 · June 12, 2018, 02:41:16 PM

Hi Andyman,
I hope you will be able to get back in touch with your friend again.

to you, Andy.
Hope

Andyman73 · July 02, 2018, 12:53:21 AM

Quote from: Hope67 on June 12, 2018, 02:41:16 PM
Hi Andyman,
I hope you will be able to get back in touch with your friend again.
to you, Andy.
Hope

Hi Hope,
She called me on the 14th, from a friend's phone. I recognized the area code, so took the risk that it could have been her husbend. It was her! She sounded really good. I haven't heard that tone in her voice ever. Like there was no stress or anything. Made me cry tears of joy and relief.

Then the news...broke my heart. She had stroke. Made heart skip beat. She call us, so not forget us. but what her reemember? Said she is physically okay, but lost 75-80% of her sight, cuz stroke was in that area. But not sure if will be better, if some or all come back, or not at all. Also said not sure how her brain/mind is. Hasn't had to use it for anything really, so not know what things might be lost.

We told her we lover her so much and we still here for her and littles too. Made her cry several times when said love hr. Said we miss all of them, and littles need to hear that we still here and lovethem soo much.

Said she be careful not get in trouble from son or husband. So not sure when call again. So we not know what to do now...been this long. little andy miss his special friends. And special lady always help him get through hard stuff. We don't know what do now. Can't contact them. We wait....scared maybe lose them forever and never even know about it. Hurts so so much.
Thanks for

Hope.

Sceal · July 02, 2018, 07:59:43 AM

Sorry to hear that your friend went through such an ordeal. And hopefully she'll recover her sight, if not all then atleast some more. The brain is a funny thing, maybe it'll rewire some neurons to help her see more. I'm glad she called you and that you got to know what happened - and I hope she will be able to call you again soon so you can remain in touch.
I'll sit with you, while you wait, if you want?

Andyman73 · July 04, 2018, 10:29:53 PM

Quote from: Sceal on July 02, 2018, 07:59:43 AM
Sorry to hear that your friend went through such an ordeal. And hopefully she'll recover her sight, if not all then atleast some more. The brain is a funny thing, maybe it'll rewire some neurons to help her see more. I'm glad she called you and that you got to know what happened - and I hope she will be able to call you again soon so you can remain in touch.
I'll sit with you, while you wait, if you want?

Thanks. I wish I knew she was safe now. But have no clue. I know it's possible, but I hope hers recovers better after she can get safely and permanently away from her criminally abusive husband. She's very afraid of him, and what he is capable of, as she's been living with that for over 27 years now. I feel so ....

.

Yes, would be very nice haveing you sit with us. Thank you so much.

Hope67 · July 05, 2018, 05:31:20 PM

to you, Andy - I hope your friend will be ok. It must be hard to not be able to contact her easily. Wishing you the best and also her.
Hope

Andyman73 · July 06, 2018, 02:08:48 AM

Thank you Hope.

WE did scary thing today. We looked on phone call list, found number that she called us from, and called it. Left voice mail...so...now we wait. HOpe we did right thing??? Did we?

Sceal · July 06, 2018, 06:20:15 AM

Fingers crossed!
I didn't realize she was living with an awful and cruel man. I hope with you, that she will be safe sooner rather than later. And that she finds a way out!

Hope67 · July 06, 2018, 11:23:24 AM

Hi Andy,
I'm not sure there's ever a 'right' or a 'wrong' way to be/do things - we can only do what we think is the right thing - for us at the time, and so fingers crossed that your friend will be ok - and it's nice that you care about her, and that she has a friend in you.
Hope

Andyman73 · July 09, 2018, 03:02:19 AM

Quote from: Sceal on July 06, 2018, 06:20:15 AM
Fingers crossed!
I didn't realize she was living with an awful and cruel man. I hope with you, that she will be safe sooner rather than later. And that she finds a way out!

Thanks Sceal. We won't know if never get contact reestablished. That is too scary to think about if never happens. Feel like giant hand squishing heart.

Hi Hope, We decided the risk was worth the reward....or punishment. So far we got nothing...so....not exactly bad? Meaning no bad words from angry people on phone. So....we decide to think that's okay. We really really appreciate all your hugs and support of everyone here. I KNOW we would be super struggling if not for all of you. Thank you everybody.

for any who would like them.
Andy

sanmagic7 · July 09, 2018, 12:41:40 PM

best to you with all of this, andy. it sounds like it's an ordeal for everyone all the way around. i hope she's ok and will get better. very sad situation.

keep taking care of you, too, ok? we love you, too. big hug filled with warmth and compassion.

Andyman73 · July 13, 2018, 01:19:17 AM

San, thank you. I don't know what to do....been a month now...since that phone call from her.

Our heart is breaking more and more everyday.
try to take care of us ...but so hard...hurts so much and piles on top of all our lives hurts too. Thank you for hugs...speciallly big warm ones!

sanmagic7 · July 13, 2018, 01:52:33 AM

i don't know if there's anything you can do, andy. if you believe in prayer, that may help. faith that all will work out may help. other than that, i don't really know. i will send some vibes of hope and faith for her and you to the universe. also, love, of course. always love.

these are all filled with strength, hope, power of the universe, care, concern, resilience, comfort, and love love love. hold on tight - we won't let go.