What to do...

[findingmyhome]

I am not sure where to turn because I am not sure what is going on.

We moved up north to cold weather and less sunlight.
We moved far away from FOO -good thing.
We are in a bigger house than I would have liked.
I have yet to feel at home here.
I am in the middle of a career change and do not know what to do with my new degree.
I feel stuck in the house because I am scared of the ice etc outside.
I wanted to move because I did not like the desert but the house we were in was my first real home and it hurt to move because of the house

I was abused by my sibling the GC memories of her traumatize me

Before we moved I would feel a pain in my chest which I figured was the old pain and my IC.  I got used to nurturing that pain and it did not seem so bad.

After we moved and when winter set in (I had no distractions) I sit here every day and the pain overwhelms me to the point where I am not eating.  I think I am getting flashbacks but I am not sure.  I attribute it to this big house which I do not like it does not feel like home. Yet I think it is something more, triggers galore I guess. 

I am working on seeing a therapist too BTW.

Help!

[noname]

Hi findingmyhome.  I can empathize with not feeling at home.  It took a long time for me to make my current home more of a sanctuary.  I'm sorry that you are struggling, it sounds like you are in the midst of a lot of transition.  That can be really hard.

Can you identify some things that you liked the most (currently miss the most) about your old place?  Maybe you could brainstorm some ways to bring that to this house?  I have found Pintrest to be a fun way to collect ideas and sort of daydream a bit.  It has helped me to envision good stuff, and with some ideas out there, it seems a bit easier to implement things, one piece at at a time.

I may not be much help, but i hope that reaching out to this group is a step in the right direction for you.

Best wishes and hugs to you findingmyhome!

[keepfighting]

Hi, fmh,



I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time now. It sucks.

Your symptoms remind me of a severe depression I had last year in the wake of maltreatment by my (former) GP. I pretty much lost interest in everything including food at the time, too. In desperation, I contacted my old t and she helped me through it.

The other thing that strikes me in your story is that you moved to a different climate than the one you were used to. Depression is sometimes linked with darkness and for some people a certain light therapy that can be applied at home helps to alleviate the symptoms. Someone from my gym class really benefits from it. It's worth asking a t or a doctor about....

Sending you warm and sunny thoughts and lots of  .

Best wishes! kf

[schrödinger's cat]

It sounds a bit like your "old life" in the desert wasn't too pleasant, but you'd come to a certain equilibrium. So it wasn't ideal, and it was painful, but you coped. And now it's all been turned upside-down - it's not just that you moved to a new area where you don't know anyone yet, you've also moved to a bigger house, you changed climate zones, you're finally away from your FOO, and you're in the middle of a kind of career change. Do you think all those many changes might have reached a tipping point? What I mean is, ONE change alone - okay, it's maybe stressful, but doable. Two or three... hmmm, getting a bit harder. A lot of them at once, and you can end up feeling capsized and at sea for quite a while.

I did something like that once - moved to a bigger flat in another country while also changing my career. That was when I discovered I had PTSD, because the symptoms just went  on me. It was like being swept off my feet by a huge dark wave. I was uprooted in nearly every area of my life. I'd had my little coping strategies in my old life, and those were uprooted too, as it were. There was nothing new to take their place.

Sooo... if I'd coped, I could now tell you how I did it. But I didn't. So I can only guess at things that might have helped. Like, it's reasonable to assume this: if too many changes produce overwhelming stress, then help might come in familiar things. Things you can kind of anchor yourself in. People and activities and stuff. I'm not sure how that would work, but it's something I wish (in hindsight) that I could have done. I wish I'd just locked up a few rooms of our too-big flat and lived in the space I felt comfortable with, just until I felt accustomed to the area and to that new life. Ugh. But like I said, I've no idea how practical this is, this is all just theory.

I wish you all the best, and I hope winter is over soon, because it sounds like the snow and ice cause you additional stress. Hang in there. 

[findingmyhome]

I do not know what to write your kind replies touched me.     

I am seeing a therapist tomorrow hopefully she will help too.