Tunnel vision, poor focus, getting lost

[justdontknow]

I relate to some aspects of CPTSD but I'm not sure if i have enough that would count as a diagnosis. The dissociation part is the main part I thought I didn't fit as much but thinking about it, I'm not normal in terms of my awareness of what's going on around me.

I've always been pretty day dreamy, got told off as a kid for not concentrating and just staring out of the window watching the birds. I also got made fun of by friends for asking them to repeat stuff all the time because I'd totally miss things people said. I realise now I do zone out a lot and it means I always miss things and need to study double the time to cover what should have gone in the first time.

As an adult the main thing I notice is difficulty finding my way around. I don't really pay attention to my surroundings at all. I'm hypervigilant when it comes to loud noises, people and cars that suddenly appear and give me an exaggerated startle reaction. But other than that it's like my peripheral vision is kind of a blur and I can totally forget what i've driven past or walked past or what direction I've been going. It's like I can't focus on too much at once and everything comes at me too fast. It's like I blank everything out and the only real thing is what i'm specifically focusing on and the rest is unfocused. I have to make a point of staying grounded in the present and paying attention to my surroundings so I don't get lost otherwise I can miss where I've been. When i'm driving I will just focus on what's in front of me in a tunnel vision sort of way, terrified of having an accident or something so ensuring I focus all my concentration on the road.

I have really poor memory for places I should know well to the extent that it's really embarrassing and I have to find ways to cover it up because other people would think there was something seriously wrong with me. I'm less involved in conversations etc because I find it hard to stay involved and not just float off somewhere in my head. That in turn makes me feel invisible and question why I even exist as I don't feel part of anything.

Another thing I find is lights are overwhelmingly bright. Like when I'm driving and lights come towards me I really hate it and have to use all my concentration not to get overly dazzled and focus on the road in front of me.

Like I say, I don't know if any of these would count as dissociation type symptoms but I know there's something not quite right.

[Echo]

I can relate. I find myself forgetting where I've parked, sometimes wandering around in the parking lot to the point it gets embarrassing too. I need the GPS more than what should be normal, have little to no sense of direction and like you say struggle with not really being aware of my surroundings. I was previously diagnosed with ADD and medication for that really helped these symptoms for a while, but then it wore off and I didn't want to keep increasing the dose.

I'm writing a research proposal on C-PTSD for one of my psych classes, and I found information about something called DTD I really related to. Developmental trauma disorder was actually introduced as a kind of alternate name for C-PTSD before C-PTSD was really beginning to be understood. It included PTSD related symptoms, but also memory and attention problems like what you're describing. I think this is all a part of complex trauma, and you're definitely not alone in struggling with it

[Dee]

It sounds like dissociation.  My therapist tells me it is part of CPTSD and therefore I don't need a separate diagnosis.  I'm glad to hear that.

FYI...I take a picture of my car in the parking lot and I always try to park by a light pole so I can walk to the pole.

[BlancaLap]

That is clearly dissociation, and it happens to me too, except for the not knowing where I am part. But I can relate with the rest. Hope you find some help here!

[justdontknow]

Thanks for the replies. I didn't know if it was dissociation, ADD or nothing at all. I don't think I have full blown dissociation or if I even have reason to have it. I heard something recently, that those who are dissociating wouldn't necessarily know anyway which is interesting but the world is meant to look completely different or something to someone that dissociates whereas it doesn't to me, I guess i mainly struggle with concentration.

[BlancaLap]

It depends... some people don't see the world differently because they have been dissociated all their lives. I know I see the world differently because even if I've been dissociated all my life, last year I had period of not-dissociation. Maybe you've been all your life that way so you don't know...

[Blueberry]

I'm hypervigilant when it comes to loud noises, people and cars that suddenly appear and give me an exaggerated startle reaction.

Hypervigilance is also a sign of CPTSD!

[Andyman73]

I started daydreaming, during class, in the 1st grade. At this point I had been CSA/R/CPA quite a bit, had 2 major concussions(TBI), I was constantly being called on by teachers to stop looking out the windows, and sometimes even just staring off into space, while looking at the front of the class.
Learning new routes, while driving, really takes a while. Just this Monday...2 days ago, did I finally not use my phone gps to get me to t. I've been going since July. Been about a dozen times or so....It's only 8-9 miles from home, but the last 2 miles are in the city and it just does me in. When I can get away with it, I park in the same basic location, when ever I go anywhere that I've been before. It's the only way I can manage.

On coming headlights, yes!!! And peripheral vision....I despise mail boxes!!!! I see them as mailboxes as I drive, but as I'm passing them, my mind turns them into people!!!!! And I have to keep a firm grip on the steering wheel to ensure I don't jerk it while reacting to the "person" standing at the edge of the road! Oh I hate that so much!! Then I have to check my mirrors(OCD?) to make sure it wasn't really a human. About 21 years ago I had a man dressed in black, standing in the middle of a back country highway, at night..highbeams didn't register his form, it wasn't until I was actually passing him that I saw him....nearly wrecked.  But these last 10 years it has gotten much worse.

Probably lots of other stuff regarding this thing specifically.