Anyway...almost all of the information out there basically saying that emotional abuse is as bad if not worse than physical abuse refers to seeing "physical scar, bruises, whelps" It's true that sometimes there's evidence of these..maybe for a few hours, a day, a few days..
But often with my own physical abuse, it was accompanied by severe emotional abuse. The emotional abuse aspect of it was perhaps more traumatizing, but it was the COMBINATION of the emotional and physical that made it stick. I remember inspecting my physical wounds afterwards and seeing some hand or belt-shaped red places, whelps, etc..but it's not like they were there for teachers or other adults to see or investigate the date after. There's always the comments about physical abuse leaves bruises and scars. No it doesn't! Not always!
And there was a lot of mental and emotional aspect involved with the physical. And it makes me realize that each situation is so different. But it all gets bundled into one scenario of "physical abuse".
*trigger warning* again. For example...and I feel like I need to describe this to show that physical abuse is not just the type that leave bruises and scars...this was one of the more traumatic events for me There were about 10 or so major events, and endless minor ones. This one stands out as very major. One that Ive had trouble working through, but now I have worked through as protector of the child and not so much the victim anymore. This notion that physical abuse was less important and contained bruises or scars held me back for a while.
Anyway..so the abuse, emotional verbal and physical was always worse when my aunt and cousins were around. This is when it became the most sadistic. Long story short, I was playing with my cousin. I always got blamed for her stuff. All she had to do was cry. We were playing with a swing set chain, like twirling it around and jumping over it at 3-6 inches above the ground. She missed her jump after a while, and the chain hit her leg. I tried to say it's alright you'll be fine, but she went into she was going to tell and I was going to be in trouble. I knew this scenario to be most likely true. So I decided to try a new strategy..apologize and then tell the adults FIRST so they would see I was trying to be honest and sorry I had "hit" her. (So completely absurd)
So I went in to where our moms were putting on make-up to go to the mall. I HATED these outings to the mall, but when auntie came, that is what we did. Several hours of them primping, and several hours of adult time at the mall. But I digress.
So I went in, quivering, but keeping a stiff upper lip as best I can. They could see she was crying (fake and over the top). I said we were playing and I accidentally hit her on the leg with the chain. I thought surely the response was going to be " well, accidents happen" and "you're ok, honey" to my cousin, and that would be the end of it.
Well, my mom got a gleam in her eye and said, "Welp. Go get out the belt!" And then, "bend over the bed" and in front of everyone I got whipped with a belt." Then I got told I needed to put on a happy face because we were going to have a great day at the mall.
I don't know whether the emotional or the physical abuse was worse. But it disturbs me that physical abuse is often written off as something where bruises and scars are visible as opposed to covert emotional abuse. It all goes together at times.
The worst of all of it is my uNm completely denies that there was ever any abuse whatsoever, and the problem is that I have always just been too sensitive. She believes that once something is over, it should be completely forgotten. No apology necessary, just full forgive and forget and never feel again. If I have any feeling, it is because I am not compassionate of her and holding a grudge.
