A first step in tackling dissociation

[sigiriuk]

Dear All
I'd like to ask for advice. I can recognise when i start to freeze and dissociate. It's when i feel threatened - talking to someone new, opening a letter/email, speaking to my therapist. feeling that I am going to be "stripped naked".
I don't know what to do next......
Any ideas?
Slim

[Three Roses]

Feeling vulnerable and helpless can be signs you're in an EF. Here's a link to EF management - http://pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm

For me, if I know I may be going to encounter something, I call a meeting of my inner children and see if one of them wants to take the fore. It sounds barmy, but for me it works. Usually the Inner Angry Teen is the one to volunteer to protect the others.

I'm sure others will say what works for them.

[snailspace]

Hi Slim, yes I can feel like this also.  Fear of 'being seen', 'put on the spot' in similar situations you described.  Also having to second guess the 'right' response which can sometimes result in confusionwhen I guess incorrectly.  I'm not sure how to deal with it either but the idea of it being an EF, well I'll have to consider that one but thanks 3 Roses.

[ah]

Hi Slim,

I feel the same way often... I guess I learned from a very young age that communication is always dangerous.
Just like snailspace said. I get scared of getting it wrong, the reason is I was emotionally tortured whenever I got it wrong, or so I thought... I've only recently started thinking about it and realizing that I didn't even get a chance to get it wrong - I'd have been hurt no matter what I'd have said, so I learned that everything I said was wrong and became petrified of speaking to people.
And as an adult, email and such have also become triggering because my abusers use those too. Oh joy.

I can only write from personal experience, I don't know if this will help, I hope so ---

For me, it's such a strong habitual physical response that the one thing that helps is always trying to remember breathing and being present in the moment. Even though breathing is really triggering for me, I try to focus on my entire body while I'm breathing, the tips of my toes and fingers, and that helps. When I'm overwhelmed I don't try to think about the anxiety itself, because I've noticed my brain just won't listen. But if I manage to remember to breathe and feel my whole body, I try talking to it again after a dozen breaths or a hundred or a thousand if necessary. Then I remind myself there's safe communication, there's good enough communication, not all of it is dangerous and terrifying. I can let go of some of my fear, and try and see which type it's going to be. If it turns out to be unsafe I have every right to withdraw so that's always an option at any point later on.

I've got mixed feelings about dissociation. It's done me harm on the one hand but also kept me alive and sane (more or less?  ) in general so it's done me a huge service over the years. I guess taking back control from dissociation would require me to learn new habits that'd feel protective, so I can have something else in place to take care of me or I'll feel too small and exposed. I need to develop alternatives to dissociating. My biggest so far is compassion, I can't feel any for me but I can feel it for others, so when another person triggers me I try to breathe; then go through the thoughts above; then compassion. Friendliness toward the other person.

There are times when nothing works and I then I just let my brain dissociate. I can't stop it. I literally freeze physically, can't talk, can't move, it takes immense effort to respond to things. Then I let it be because I know if I push myself more / someone else pushes more, I'll totally vanish. I try to learn to be more gentle with myself, and let myself be freaked out. I'm allowed freaked out moments. It's okay.

This all feels counter intuitive, because when I'm overwhelmed all I can feel is THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! and that I have no right to feel anxiety or flashbacks. But you do. You absolutely do, and they don't make you a weak person or a bad person. They're just a physiological reaction to things that were a very real threat. I think we've been in far more danger than we give ourselves credit for.

Also I think part of it was that we were so utterly alone when we felt so much danger. So if it helps, I'll be sitting with you whenever you feel frozen, till you know it's safe to defrost.
You're absolutely not alone in this.

[sigiriuk]

Thank you all.
Yes, an EF is what is must be

[BlancaLap]

Sometimes when I feel I'm dissociating and I just don't know what to do because I'm not in contact with my feelings, I try to focus on one point of the room or wall and I try not to think about anything, just focus... to try to make contact with my feelings and the sense of reality and present and then my feelings tell me what to do... hope it helps you!