Humour around cptsd

[the mirliton]

Hello...I guess the "startle response" is just one of those characteristics that sometimes manifests with CPTSD? With the intent of being kind to my SELF I actually find some of my quirky? mannerisms quite amusing. A (to me at least) extremely funny British comedian (Catherine Tate) demonstrates her "startle response" in a short clip. She has shared that her mother, in real life, is the inspiration for the character.
https://youtu.be/oER9xKbD2T8

[Kat]

That is hilarious!  Thanks, Mirliton! 

[Gromit]

I learnt on counselling training that humour is a mature response to or a mature distraction from painful things.

I remember my OH borrowing my iPod for entertainment when he ran. His response to my music was that there was too much Julian Cope, it was very eclectic, and very dark. Oh well.

To amuse you now: I noticed the name of the person I was buying something from on eBay was Steven Duffy. I actually emailed to ask him if he was the Stephen Tintin Duffy (80's pop reference), he said 'unfortunately not'. I told this story to my OH who could not believe I would actually ask that question, another example of him thinking I am bonkers. But at least I am bonkers in a harmless way.

[Rainagain]

My younger daughter did the 'scare daddy' thing, at a time I was getting visited by criminals at home and had been living in preparedness for attack ( I had weapons around the house) she came in quietly and shouted argh! Behind me like a pirate.

I jumped a mile in the air, spun round and she was crying with laughter.

Eventually I laughed too, but I was laughing because I couldn't believe she would do that to her poor old frazzled dad ( I was on beta blockers for anxiety at the time).

She is 21, and still treats me as a source of amusement.

[Three Roses]

My youngest son has always loved to scare me - he once hid in the coats hanging by the door and then simply reached out as I walked past. Lots of other times he's really succeeded in scaring the bejesus out of me! 

[ah]

You know, this thread has helped me solidify what I've noticed about abusers: Their Sense of Humor Sucks.

Maybe not all, but the ones I've had the misfortune of knowing are just completely humorless. You joke and they stare at you like a dumb animal, uncomprehending, then attack you with it, or they have the humor of a two-year-old with especially bad social skills. It essentially consists of extremely bad knock-knock jokes, at which they crack themselves up and laugh while their companions stare at them stone faced every time.

I once told a sadistic abuser, by mistake, that the tired chirping copying machine sounded like it had a trapped bird inside. I was nearly murdered on the spot. They turned on me, glaring, revolted, full of virtuous indignation, dead serious, and said "YOU HAVE A MENTAL PROBLEM!!!" I was tempted to say softly and equally seriously "well no, just humor, is there no humor in the world you come from?" but I was vaguely starting to sense the danger I was in. Sadly, I wasn't quick enough.

It would never occur to me to try to scare them. First of all, the abusers I know have no startle response; they're not calm, just mildly inhuman so it would fail. Second, I wouldn't survive it. It might only work as a form of Suicide By Abuser.

You're good people, you are. Laughing like that tells me that about you. Just thought I'd say it.

[Wattlebird]

This is great just what I needed today I laughed and laughed Kat u have a wonderful sense of humour you all cheered me up, I've played cards against humanity as well people were a bit shocked at my dark sense of humour as well, my husband also has an equally dark sense of humour and were often the only two laughing at some sick comment or event or whatever it is, I wonder if an especially dark sense of humour is an indication of trauma?
I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone touching my hair and my husbands mother used to forever pat my hair my husband used to stand out her view and smile at me knowing it was torturous for me but also knowing I would never say anything to her because she was such a sweety I wouldn't hurt her feelings. This always made me feel much better watching him laugh at me squirming and seeing the humour in it. Maybe humour decreases your level of pain or discomfort and so we reach for it more readily dunno but something like this must be going on
Very interesting topic

[Rainagain]

A sense of humour is a valuable item.

It helps coping and if you can maintain a sense of humour when life is harsh it raises people up in my eyes.

And dark humour is best I find.

I have a friend who has plenty of issues, we have known each other for many years and talk about real stuff.

After discussing my cptsd diagnosis a couple of years ago she must have googled it or something, she announced that she might also have cptsd.

My response was 'oi! That's my diagnosis, find your own!'.

We still chuckle about it now, its become a running joke.

Hers is childhood, mine is adult, but I can recognise it in her.

We often call each other out when one of us isn't being genuine, accurate and properly present, the sort of bickering you can only do with people who know each other well, it is quite funny.

Actually, I have recognised cptsd in quite a few people now that I know more about it, also retrospectively spotted it in people I used to know but back then I hadn't heard of it. Now I understand better.

[ShadowsOfLuna]

You know, this thread has helped me solidify what I've noticed about abusers: Their Sense of Humor Sucks.

YOU ARE SO RIGHT. My worst ex wouldn't let me laugh at anything or make jokes (which is also a big coping mechanism for me)_ because he would never understand them and it made him angry. He couldn't just be dumb, he had to be angry about being dumb.

Also hey I absolutely love dark humor. And memes.

Sometimes when my friends get into loud arguments I cry out "MOMMY DADDY PLEASE STOP FIGHTING"

[Aphotic]

This is great just what I needed today I laughed and laughed Kat u have a wonderful sense of humour you all cheered me up, I've played cards against humanity as well people were a bit shocked at my dark sense of humour as well, my husband also has an equally dark sense of humour and were often the only two laughing at some sick comment or event or whatever it is, I wonder if an especially dark sense of humour is an indication of trauma?
I am extremely uncomfortable with anyone touching my hair and my husbands mother used to forever pat my hair my husband used to stand out her view and smile at me knowing it was torturous for me but also knowing I would never say anything to her because she was such a sweety I wouldn't hurt her feelings. This always made me feel much better watching him laugh at me squirming and seeing the humour in it. Maybe humour decreases your level of pain or discomfort and so we reach for it more readily dunno but something like this must be going on
Very interesting topic

This intrigues me as well. I have a dark sense of humour and the only explanation I can come up with is the fact that I may just be desensitised to it.

All this chatter about being startled reminds me of my frequent jumps. My coworker sometimes accidentally scares me as you can't really hear him coming. He'll say something behind my back and I'll swear in a fright. The funny thing is, he's so small and tiny. I'm like an elephant startled by a mouse. I've also had occasions where I'm lying on the bed twitching my foot idly and then I'll startle myself because I see something moving in my peripheral vision. I have to laugh at myself then.

Regards,
Complex.

[Three Roses]

All this chatter about being startled reminds me of my frequent jumps. My coworker sometimes accidentally scares me as you can't really hear him coming.

Here's some info you might find interesting on exaggerated startle response -
https://jreidtherapy.com/ptsd-startle-response/

Although the article is written about ptsd and not cptsd, it's still relevant.

[juliaguarde]

I enjoyed reading this thread.  I too laugh often at my difficulties. It's a lot easier to laugh off the small stuff than to get all tangled up and angry about it. 
I told my spouse yesterday that I knew he loved me, it was one of my other personalities that needed to be reassured too often.  We both laughed like loons.    It eased the pressure of my fear a whole lot. Plus, we're we with friends, no one would know I wasn't entirely joking. 

[saylor]

For my part, I feel lucky in that there's no one in my life who would ever try to startle me, because I don't think I could ever find it funny—startles take too much out of me. Mostly, I have trouble finding any amusement in my symptoms, and I tend to get really self-conscious and/or annoyed if anyone else does (like when I succumb to a particularly intense EF in public and others are entertained, which always ends up bringing me shame—maybe someday I'll find humor in that kind of thing, but I feel far away from that capacity so far...)

I wracked my brain and did think of one episode that I have found funny. Not sure how well I'll be able to relate it here, but basically I got home from work after an extra-draining day, and because the sun was still up (I dislike bright light) and I was feeling agitated, I decided to hang out for awhile in the closet, where it's nice and dark and cozy. I don't generally do this kind of thing, but felt I needed it then, and it helped. A short while after I lay down, I heard that my partner came home. He must have started looking for me straightaway, didn't see me in the usual spots, probably noticed the closet door was closed, and immediately figured out where I was. He opened the door, said a quick "hi", asked me some question or other, then softly closed the door upon hearing my answer and went away without further comment. He never missed a beat. I realized then that he must be so used to my general crazy that nothing about me can even faze him anymore, and I found his utter nonchalance to be quite funny

[Kizzie]

"I decided to hang out for awhile in the closet, where it's nice and dark and cozy. I don't generally do this kind of thing, but felt I needed it then, and it helped."

Just wanted to say I did this too Saylor - it's so safe and dark and quiet. Anyway, I was seeing an addictions counselor back when I had a problem with drinking and told him about retreating to my closet. He did not blink an eye, in fact he said that sounds like just what you needed to do.  I remember thinking  "Wow, this guy is good!"   

Also wanted to add my now favourite video about startling.  Our new house has carpet on the stairs and in the bedrooms whereas our previous house didn't so I had a fighting chance against being startled (still did a lot).  Now  I really can't hear my husband coming. He doesn't ever try to scare me deliberately but he just seems to appear out of nowhere and I look a lot like the poor hamster. I'm thinking of getting him to wear a bell.  https://www.thepoke.co.uk/2020/02/07/you-wont-see-anything-more-surprised-than-this-hamster-given-an-unexpected-prod/


 

[Snowdrop]

Ha, that hamster is me when my husband walks into the kitchen!