Poverty shaming at university: is there a life after abuse?

  • 4 Replies
  • 612 Views
*

RedRat

  • Member
  • 14
  • This is where I draw the line
    • View Profile
Poverty shaming at university: is there a life after abuse?
« on: November 11, 2017, 07:01:11 PM »
I am sorry to write like this but I really have that urge to just write it out in to the net as I have a hard time controlling my panic for several hours. It was a rough month. I learned in therapy that I haven't just had a open narcissist dad but a mother that is either a malignant narc or more likely a psychopath. I knew she was nasty but not clinically disordered nasty. Food is scarce as I haven't been able to get a new job. Yet I am trying to hold up. I organised myself therapy, some professional help to keep me from avoiding authorities. Iattend my classes at university and do my best to make new friends as I had to change university last year due to a professor. So it's all in all not exactly easy. Yet, yesterday I managed to give myself an extra push and accepted an invitation to a student party: and boy should I have stayed home!

There was a discussion going on about a vote for or against a mandatory fee to support public television. Since we have several minorities that would struggle to pay a TV  program in there own language without a national public service everyone at the party was in favour. Technically I agree with that position. What I don't agree is how the mandatory fee has recently been changed. The fee  now got mandatory even if you don't own TV yourself. Also the costs are a hefty 357 USD per household. In short: a catastrophe if you already struggle to get one meal every day. I understand the concern for the minorities but that the old system worked very well for decades. There was never a real need to change the system as there was enough money not just to keep the minority TV stations running but even to create lots of expensive soap operas that the public TV station intended to market outside the country. And guess what: the later flopped badly now they are short of money.

At first I kept quiet that I was opposing the bill too. But those middle class kids went on and on and on about how stupid, selfish and  right-wing the people who support this must be. But they went on and on blaming the lower classes of being uneducated morons who are once more not seeing what is truly important for the good of the nation:the protection of the minorities! At some point I couldn't take it any longer. I calmly explained to them that I am a left-wing party member who even hold an office for a while and that I oppose the tax too because I simply struggle for one meal a day and that I am just not able to pay so much money. I told them that it was for the recent change in the system that I will be voting yes not because I am against supporting minorities. The public TV station had it coming when they first abused the budget and then lobbied to change the old law so that now even those who are to poor to own a TV are taxed. I told them that I understood the concern for the minorities but that the old system worked just fine to ensure that they got there rights. I didn't expect them to change there views but I hoped that I was at last entitled to have a different view on the issue or at least an adult discussion.

Unfortunately the ringleader turned out to be a journalist himself. What happened next was that I was yelled at by four people at the same time what a shameless selfish red neck I am. It is typical that people like me wouldn't understand the importance of  solidarity with minorities and even that I am a bad citizen for getting my news out of the internet and free newspapers instead of watching quality journalism from our public TV station that would enable me to get a real opinion and see things for what they truly are. It went on and on and on like this for what felt like a small eternity. That I was stupid, selfish and uneducated (in short everything my parents told me I my whole life). At some point I couldn't take it any longer. I jumped up and ran out the door to go crying in the dark.
 I mean I had it coming and I sort of knew that speaking up wasn't wise. It never is. Get enraged and start yelling most middle class people react when you try to talk about poverty. But it hurt so much just sitting there and get all the poverty shaming and having to keep silence. I am sick to struggle for clothing, food and an education and get blamed for doing so. I know I am not dumb. My grades are far better than those of most of my middle class peers. Also as a history student I am quite interested in politics and well aware of how the country developed and they knew that damn well.  I was a democratic-socialist politician in one of the most run down neighbourhoods in my country and spent years teaching language classes for refugees while my toilet was frozen at home during the winter. I am not selfish. I did my part to contribute to society. I just wish to have at least one meal per day. Is that greedy? It's not like it's usually a good meal anyway. I don't know. I just wish to have a voice that doesn't always get silenced. Why is free speech only for the ones who have power? The new regulation wasn't about the minorities. I remember the debate: it was about the middle class suspecting that the poor are all cheaters and criminals watching TV on the expense of the "hard working" middle class (as if they would ever make their hands dirty: most middle class students I know possibly don't even understand the meaning of the word "work"). The truth was: there were inspectors constantly spying on the poor and hefty fines if you got caught. They are just made us pay because now they have to pay less for watching TV themselves. Why shouldn't I have a right to address this issue too? Is free speech only for the ones in power?
 I am just so sick of it all and I really wonder if I will ever have a place in society. No matter my grades or how much I struggle to get something like a life, Growing up as a piece of garbage was bad enough. But it's not that life has changed much: no food, no proper cloths and I always get reduced to the dumb and selfish white trash stereotype no matter how good my grades are. All I want is just to satisfy my most basic needs and get treated like a sentient human being for once. It just hurts so much to take the hits and swallow a Temesta so I stay nice, calm and silent. I really don't see how this will ever end. At my old university one student even told me that poor people shouldn't be allowed in to university even if they have good grades because poor people have dumber kids and therefore should not be allowed to mingle with superior people (Yep! Social Darwinism is alive and well in academics).  He said it right out in public and the other students all agreed because there is "evidence". Yes there is; usually from economists who dabble in genetics but never got there butts in a biology class. The ones I have seen so far don't even discuss epigenetic traits not to mention basic sociology like Bourdieu. I am currently writing an essay about Social Darwinism in modern economic thought and the deeper I dig the less it looks like this pattern is going to change anytime soon.

So much for fleeing my parents at an early age. It is still the same game: get the abuse and stay silent because speaking up just makes it much worse and nobody is going to believe your version anyway. My country prides itself for being one of the richest on the planet so poverty simply doesn't exist. Just like the lie that all parents love there children especially our moms. Sometimes I wonder if going to university was the  right thing. In an odd way my parents weren't entirely wrong when they lived how ever they pleased because they didn't felt like they would own society a damn thing: nach mir die Sintflut. Sometimes I wish I were like them: society sort of deserves it's predators. :Idunno:

*

JamesG

  • Member
  • 330
    • View Profile
Re: Poverty shaming at university: is there a life after abuse?
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2017, 07:36:52 PM »
ok you.. I hear you loud and clear and I totally empathise.

I was at college in the 1980s in south Wales. Fine art. I was surrounded by very privileged kids who knew everything but had never so much as smelt a poor man's fart. Even so, they were sure they were the people to tell the poor how to liberate themselves so long as they started enjoying experimental Rumanian dance while they did it. I can tell you now that not one of those spearheads of the revolution are in the frame right now in any form. All have spectacuarly contradicted themselves.

I am instrinsicaly left wing in my politics, simply because I believe that civilisation ultimatly means working together for all, not providing a perfect wave for an angry white kid, with chips on both shoulders, who'll end up being worse than his dad when he takes over the firm. Left wing idealism ultimatly undermines tne left anyway because the utopian stuf is a sitting target for the right who rightly point oit that it is beyond any hope of implementation. The truth is in the middle, something no one with a trace of narcicism ever wants to hear. Right, left... politics is a poor second to psychology, a discipline that has the realism that dogma can never hope to have. I mean, politics cannot even be called disciplined anyway.

Hard as it may be, back off and let the debates wste their own time and atend to your own needs. do whatever you can  to make your approach selfish and self controlled. The purpose of education is to listnen, not to lecture, so observe and don't absorb. This college spoapbox crap is as old as the pyramids, let it wash over you. Build muscle and sort your head out and just ignore these howler monkies.

There is a very good reason the best music comes from the poorest people.

*

RedRat

  • Member
  • 14
  • This is where I draw the line
    • View Profile
Re: Poverty shaming at university: is there a life after abuse?
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2017, 08:41:09 PM »
Yes I know you are right. Do my degree,  keep the head down and stay out of there way. I sort of know that I need patience and more academic training. It is just that I feel so helpless. I had to escape my old university because my professor demanded that I write a plagiarism for two rich kids who otherwise would have dropped out. I declined to do something criminal and he managed to have me kicked out of university for staying honest. I didn't even got my diploma for he is the dean who should have signed it. It really makes me feel helpless. I wish I could defend myself just once. I know I can't and will not for many years that's why I am shouting in to that void that is called the internet.


*

RedRat

  • Member
  • 14
  • This is where I draw the line
    • View Profile
Re: Poverty shaming at university: is there a life after abuse?
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2017, 05:04:05 PM »
that's one * of a good tune!

Thanks for posting it.