Dealing w/ & or interacting with SO - During first few months of therapy/recov -

[silver_lining]

Hello Everyone! :group hug:
The subject topic really speaks volumes to why I'm reaching out to our community & in the, "Our relationships to others, Dating" portion of the forum. I am currently in a very serious relationship, both emotionally and physically, we do live together and are both young adults dealing with our own "baggage" &/or  "issues", while at the same time going through conditioned ways of being in our relationships & attachment styles.... which creates conflict in our dynamic, but we are learning from one another... and I can see are truly growing and learning.

Thing is, I feel like i'm at a point where, the reality is, I can see the dysfunction and dynamics where we have been. Which is,  pushing and pulling - being,  back and forth, based on our attachment, how I interact in the past, which is more of an avoidant dismissive and he being an anxious preoccupied attachment style....
I'm in the first month of my intensive prolonged exposure therapy, but, have also spent the last year since being diagnosed with and getting into a proper program, researching, & trying to understand "my" relationship dynamic & own psychology, while at the same time, trying to find my true sense of self.
Through this process, I've really never felt more connected to my true self. Not the scared hurt child, but the, confident young women I would have been, without the fear response/inner critic state of mind &or being in existence in relation to how I interact or view the world.

My reason for posting is to see how other have "dealt with" there SO while in the beginning stages of recovery - Specially, if anyone one can give me some perspective on dealing with an SO with C- PTSD themselves.
I am a year into start my journey of recovery, and cycles the cycles that have come with that -
He is in the first few weeks of coming to the realization, he himself has CPTSD too. We al know it manifests in everyone differently, and at the same time on a spectrum. His experience, my experience, ours,  or your experience, are all true to us, authentically and that is all that matters.
So, over the last few weeks, I've been more empathic, understanding and also have the abiltity to remove my overly emotional self and be there for him in a truly, supportive way... like he has done for me many times thoughout the year.
Now the dynamics have changed at least in my mind.He is, in his perception, in sense where I was a year ago, and I am in a sense, where he was a year ago too...

How have if anyone has dealt with there recovery, while at the same time being there for someone who is in your same position, but differently...?
Any one have any perspective to give on this, i'd be truly grateful for too! For the last few weeks, I've just have been "walking on egg shells" & want us both to grow through this experience, together. Instead the dynamics have changed, he's re-traumtized - & I'm emotionally available - He being re-traumtized, is withdrawing.... - Its a flip flop dynamic, and I a wonder if anyone has ever experienced this or has any advice to give so I can move forward, and he can as well.. proactively, and safely.
Thanks for any advice, or even just taking the time to read my post,
Always,
Silver 

[Three Roses]

Two people in a relationship are hardly ever in the same "place" together. If I were to give advice, it would be to just let him know you'll be there for him as much as you can, and not crowd him as he pursues his own brand of healing.

Keep us posted, I care about what happens to you.

[sanmagic7]

i echo what 3roses said.  may i add the suggestion of couples counseling?  an ongoing outside perspective might help the two of you understand a bit better the dynamics of where you are, both personally and how that affects the coupleship.  because you are also in very different places timewise regarding your recovery, you might both be able to hear from an outside source exactly what that means individually and as a couple.

sometimes, hearing these things together helps a lot.  as you know, recovery can be rough at times, and the more support for the relationship you can get, the easier it will be for the two of you to get over the lumps and bumps intact.   because of attachment issues being so different, i think it will also help with triggers in that area, help with reassurance, and continue to strengthen the bond you've already forged.

just my opinion.  i really want you two to make it.  i think it's great that you're so supportive of each other already.  keep up the good work.  big hug to you both.