hard to get close to people

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integrity

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hard to get close to people
« on: October 31, 2017, 10:22:07 PM »
Hey everyone,
I have a struggle because I come across as a very open, gregarious person. And i am very extraverted. But I'm chronically lonely. Its because I cant open up to people very easily. Also, I don't know how to make a relationship go closer with a friend. If I hang out with someone and have fun, I sort of get scared of asking them again. I don't want to scare them away or be too pushy or too needy. Even though I'm pretty extroverted and everyone thinks I'm confident, I get a lot of anxiety and it makes me withdraw. Its like having a tug of war inside all the time!

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Gwyon

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Re: hard to get close to people
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2017, 10:54:21 PM »
I experience this too, but from a slightly different angle. I'm not gregarious or extroverted, but I am curious and caring and long for connection. But I end up at a similar place:
Quote
I get a lot of anxiety and it makes me withdraw
  ....plus the anxiety typically leads to disociating and shutting down.

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woodsgnome

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Re: hard to get close to people
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2017, 02:34:15 AM »
I'm naturally introverted but don't have to be. As a one-time improv actor, I overcame some of the shyness and seemed outgoing to many who quickly found out I was the opposite offstage. It bugged me too, but past a certain point it seemed my deep-seated fear of people couldn't be overcome. My behaviour created a vicious want/don't want cycle.

While I appreciate my need for solitude, I also value going the other way with people and situations I think I might be comfortable with and/or would find good rapport with. But it seems I can only successfully reach out so far before I withdraw into my fine-tuned bubble. Sometimes I feel like I might be the friendliest hermit on the planet--lots seem to like me but I also have difficulty accepting that and  attempts to establish rapport inevitably fizzle. The result is almost invariably another fade-out.   :disappear:

I used to listen to the inner critic's take that see, I really am the bad person I was raised to believe I was. I've stopped listening, and all I've decided is to keep being my best, minus expectations, and just be me.
« Last Edit: November 01, 2017, 02:47:36 AM by woodsgnome »

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integrity

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Re: hard to get close to people
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2017, 11:07:44 AM »
Gwyon, yes I get the dissociation sometimes roo from anxiety.
Woodsgnome, you've described is so familiar... The fizzle and fadeout...
I've been trying to open up to people more and selected a couple of people I thought I could be vulnerable with... Today I texted a friend at church (the pastors wife who leads my small group) because I keep missing church because I start crying and panicking on the way. Not sure why yet. But I thought i should be honest and let her know what s going on. My text wasn't needy I don't think. It was very matter of fact and acknowledged that she's going through as well. And she hasn't even acknowledged the text. Now I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed and I don't know how I'm going to look her in the eye now. I thought when you made yourself vulnerable it was meant to help you get closer to people. But I just feel like it's pushed me further away. I'm too needy and no one wants to deal with it. Or too broken. I don't know. I feel really betrayed.

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BlancaLap

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Re: hard to get close to people
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2017, 09:59:50 PM »
I have anxiety too. You're not alone.

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integrity

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Re: hard to get close to people
« Reply #5 on: November 28, 2017, 12:11:38 AM »
I have anxiety too. You're not alone.

 :hug: