So much of what you say is precisely how I feel, too. So that's the first fictional thought to be rid of--you're not alone by a long shot.
One thing that's obvious is your love of wonder and curiosity, as you so eloquently wrote about in one post, coining it as WCT--Wonder and Curiosity Therapy.

The other side of that is your willingness to explore, on your rocket, and stay open to all the ideas you encounter. And then...
Sometimes those ideas are pretty radical. My take on that is that this stuff we deal with called cptsd is in itself radical, and requires developing a different mind-set in order to make any headway.
It is hard to explain, sometimes, especially when it goes even slightly counter to how the culture-at-large regards certain things as a given. But it was also a given that the abusers can conveniently hide behind too. So we have to battle our way out, and it's pretty lonely.
I've given up lots of times on this forum; thought I didn't make any sense, couldn't explain myself well, and felt I wasn't able to connect in ways that helped anyone, even myself. But I've always "crawled back", as you put it, because I'd find some nugget in someone's post, or I figured something I'd learned might be worth sharing.
Sometimes I'd feel like items I wrote about were a bit off-the-wall, but that's me, too. So I dared to put it out there anyway, and more often than not received a response that had oomph, substance, and best of all--a sense of camaraderie I don't have in my life--at all.
I could go on, as I have the same habit of stretching and exploring with what I want to say. But I won't this time; other than to say you landed here for legit reasons--the biggest of which is yours is a voice that deserves to be heard, and yours is a viewpoint that others can benefit from. And is being listened to...I know, that's hard to figure. Sometimes it seems like we're a bunch of phantoms.
For now, I just want to make this clear in simpler language--
