Looking for advice

[Blueberry]

Sounds like lots of progress on your part, Sceal, compared to back in November.  

I'm sorting things out with friends atm too, so interested to read what you're doing.

I don't know really where you need to go from here, but I think it's really good that you took your time to respond because you needed to think. You didn't allow yourself to be rushed or feel rushed into answering right away. 

Figuring out what kind of relation you want with this person - questions like: How would I feel if I set a limit and this person doesn't accept it? or attacks me (emotionally / verbally)? How would I feel if the person doesn't want contact with me if I set limits / stick up for myself? What is friendship with this person giving me? (Not an exhaustive list I'm sure!)

Here, too, give yourself time! The other person wasn't in a huge rush to give you your tent back so equally can wait a while for you to sort your feelings and thoughts.

One of the friends with whom I'm sorting things out with (more in my own head than anywhere else) has a stronger personality than me too. I didn't notice till about a month ago how submissive I'd always been with her. Some of that was due to misplaced gratitude. So when I read that you're not jumping up and down with happiness and relief at not losing a friend due to conflict, I think Yay Sceal,  way to go! You're not allowing her stronger personality to override you. 

[DecimalRocket]

Hi Sceal. I wanted to wish you the best, and a hug if you want. 

I don't usually stay in this section of the forum, mostly because . . .my ability to give advice isn't as . . . refined in the area of relationships. So I can't tell you what to do with how you communicate to your friend. 

What I can tell you though is how I've observed you as an individual, and suggestions on how you can make your own decisions.I've seen you willing to reflect on what's going on with your life. I've seen you willing to take account other's views. Both very good skills in decision making.

You can start with what's often easiest for people to ponder on sometimes. What do you not want? Then what do you want? What do you not know and need to know? In problem solving, it's often essential to think of the concept as much as the idea. What's the difference?

A concept is more vague. When thinking of going to the mall, a concept would be using a vehicle. The ideas would be to use a bicycle, a car, a public bus, and anything that's more specific than the concept. The ability to think of different concepts allow us to find different angles of action, rather than just finding the same ideas of the same concept that's more likely to just have the same result.

Well, hope you'd benefit with my obsession with solving things, Sceal.

Take care.