Not moving on

[Sceal]

Why cant I just "let go"?
Why cant it stay in the past? Why do I have to keep worrying if and when the next time is?
Why cant I talk about it?

Today I am safe. Why wont my mind and body accept this?

[Elphanigh]

Sceal, I want to let you know I understand where you are coming from with all of that. I wish I had answers but I can tell you part of what I tell myself. I remind myself that because the world wasn't kind to me that I have extra built in ways of keeping myself safe. That means the hyper vigilance that causes that wondering about when the next time will be. The memories serve as a reminder that this world can be awful, and terrifying.

Those things are not easy to just let go, as you put it. You deserve time to heal, and to process all of this.it helps me to think about how I would react to someone else,  if they had my past. To remember that I would tell them to take time, and recognize why it is that they can't just get past it. It helps me create a more kind outlook and get past some of the shame in those questions.

I promise, you will be able to talk about it one day. That you will spend less time looking for when the next time might be, it will become less of a feature in your everyday.

[Resca]

Hi Sceal. I'm so sorry that you're struggling. I just wanted to echo Elphanigh in saying that I understand what you're going through, and I'd venture to say it makes complete sense for people who have experienced the kind of trauma we have. Your body and mind and soul were under constant onslaught for so long, and they had to find a way to protect you from the pain. Hypervigilance and keeping to yourself are two completely logical ways of ensuring that protection, at least as far as the brain is concerned.

The mind is a funny thing. It doesn't always do what we want it to, at least not easily. It takes a lot of strength, so it makes sense that you would feel worn down by the effort. But feeling tired means that you put forth the effort in the first place, to recognize your pain, feel it out, try to come to terms with in internally. That effort is so important. It means that you're moving forward, slowly maybe, but slowly forward.

You can do this. We're all here to support you. And one day, being okay will barely feel like effort at all anymore. Promise

[Sceal]

Thank you both for your replies, and I am sorry that you also had to go through this.

I struggle with hypervigilance too, but I'd rather not. It's exhausting. I'd rather use my energy to something more fruitful.
I don't know how to process it all. I don't know how to start, or what that even looks like.

I don't dare to touch those feelings, because I'm all alone with them. And I don't know what will happen if I do...

[Andyman73]

Thank you both for your replies, and I am sorry that you also had to go through this.

I struggle with hypervigilance too, but I'd rather not. It's exhausting. I'd rather use my energy to something more fruitful.
I don't know how to process it all. I don't know how to start, or what that even looks like.

I don't dare to touch those feelings, because I'm all alone with them. And I don't know what will happen if I do...

Are you in t? That would be a good place to start making sense of it all. I barely even look at my stuff....I'm still trying to accept all that has happened to me, over the past 42 years of my life. Eventually I will start looking at why I feel the way I do, when I feel.  But for now, that's just too big and scary for me to handle.

[BlancaLap]

Why cant I just "let go"? No one can
Why cant it stay in the past? Why do I have to keep worrying if and when the next time is? Because for your brain it's not over. Your brain needs some prove that it's over at 100%, and it doesn't matter how many times you repeat to yourself it is over, your brain needs proves.
Why cant I talk about it? Because what happened to you is horrible, and it is normal to deny it. Talking about it is equal to accepting it.

Today I am safe. Why wont my mind and body accept this? Because they feel more secure by not accepting it, and because sometimes it is impossible for them to do so.

Emotions are overwhelming, but one day you will have the strength to feel them all. I'm sorry, I know it's not the response you wanted, but that's all I can tell you. What happened to you... doesn't have words that can explain it (no tiene palabras para explicarlo). I'm sure that if you made this post it's because you are lost and in need of support. I'm here because of that too. Why don't you try to stay in the present moment and see how that works? You can use some grounding techniques. Hope it helps