Safety first

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Rainagain

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Safety first
« on: November 18, 2017, 02:50:24 PM »
Just one of my thoughts.

I've read that the first part of recovery is to get yourself to a place of safety.

I mostly did this by moving to a different country. My psych called it a classic avoidance response.

I have some continuing stress from my former life due to a few court cases but I'm much safer than I was.

Now, what strikes me is that many people are still in the middle of whatever caused their cptsd and cannot make themselves safe.

It upsets me to read about situations like that, its like trying to heal a broken leg whilst being forced to play football every day.

Its not fair that people are traumatised, its not fair that some traumatised people cannot get to the basic human right of being safe.

I tend to minimise my experience and I see that here, people are so familiar with trauma that their expectations are very low.

I can't do anything to change this, but I would if I could, its just not right.

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Blueberry

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2017, 04:04:53 PM »
Rainagain,

I moved to a different country too. I still believe that it was a Good Move. I believe that it enabled me to keep going for a while and to get to a place in life where it was easier to start healing than if I had stayed in the country of my birth and near FOO. I could've stayed in said country and moved further away but I was so enmeshed that wouldn't have occurred to me. The move I did make was actually 'sanctioned' by FOO.

I eventually crashed in this country too and pulled myself up again and crashed again as I'd done all my life and at some point crashed permanently. Getting on for 20 years later, I'm still in a process of healing. I don't think that if I'd stayed in FOO's country I would've got to the stage of healing I'm at now. 

While your psych may be right in a way with "avoidance response", it could be you needed to get to a place of comparative safety. That's what I needed.

I still have some contact with FOO; particularly in my head, I'm still battling away. That possibly prevents me from feeling 100% safe. But I've started setting boundaries and my T says that is more important than going NC before I'm internally ready.

 We all tend to minimise our experience apparently. People like me heard for years from FOO that we were "making a fuss about nothing" etc.

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JamesG

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2017, 04:21:25 PM »
I nearly moved and am glad I didn't, simply because there was a time bomb in me that would have gone off no matter where I was. C-PTSD is 80% in our heads, and 20% the past lingering in real terms. It is what they have planted in us that does the damage and where the real fight lays.

Oddly, once you are safe, then you feel it the most. It's a very exaggerated version of getting a cold on holiday. You relax and it hits you with full fury.

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Kat

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2017, 07:40:46 PM »
This is neither here nor there really, but I live in California.  I've met so many transplants from other parts of the U.S. who moved here looking to get away from their pasts.  Maybe it's the same in other states, but it's always struck me as interesting that so many come to the LA area to look for a place to get away and hopefully find acceptance.  (No wonder when there's a street known as Therapist Row.  We've certainly got a lot of them.)  It may be an avoidance response, but does that make it a bad thing?  I don't think so.

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Rainagain

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2017, 11:12:52 PM »
Interesting replies, thank you.

I certainly needed to move to limit the damage.

Now I am safer it appears the damage I suffered was worse than I realised while I was in the middle of it all.

I don't regret moving, it was necessary.

I might need to move again later on, that's OK too.

A place of safety is so important I will do whatever it takes to be safe.

I'm just sad that its not something everyone can do.

If I was in U.S. I'd do California too, or maybe a state with lots of trees and few people.

I went somewhere I would be hard to find.

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sanmagic7

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2017, 01:39:55 AM »
hey, rain, i think it was a courageous move.   safety is paramount if we expect that we'll be able to make any kind of ongoing recovery.  i, too, feel bad for those who are still stuck in an unsafe place - it makes finding ourselves and our own truths that much harder.

i've moved several times for safety reasons, and i don't regret any of them.  big hug.

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helliepig

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #6 on: November 19, 2017, 09:41:13 AM »
I think removing yourself to heal is brave and sensible.
One day when you're ready you can examine the running away bit and maybe you'll be clearer and stronger and able to stay in the vicinity of your trauma without avoidance.
When the cPTSD is more healed the situation wouldn't be as painful, wouldn't hook you the same, wouldn't trigger you the same and you can sit outside it like someone else might be able to do.
Or maybe you'll look back and realise it was crazy and you did right to get away.

Avoidance to me is about avoiding your feelings. Getting away from nasty hurtful and crazy people isn't avoidance it's a healthy choice as long as you don't leave your feelings behind too.

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Rainagain

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Re: Safety first
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2017, 11:08:43 AM »
Thank you all for your replies.

Moving felt right, I think the reason my psych described it as avoidance is I moved very far away to a remote area, not many people here but it feels safer than a populated place.

I know most of the people and who owns the vehicles I see, it would be hard for the people I left behind to find me or attack me here as strangers are noticed because they are rare.

I like being off the map, if I make another move from here somewhere else I would disappear completely, no trail to follow at all.

Its a bit extreme, but I feel a bit extreme. I wish everyone could get away from their threats too.