Anyone else getting floored/shaken by the #Metoo movement?

deptofhearts · November 20, 2017, 02:17:21 PM

Hi lovelies. So this whole move of publicly exposing sexual predators in the workplace environment - beginning with Hollywood and heading into congress - its pretty big and is only going to get bigger. On one hand I am overjoyed as its well overdue (WELL OVERDUE) on the other hand it's shining a light on something so many of us have lived and are grappling with, bringing up emotions and memories. Whether we spoke up or stayed silent - whether we lived with those who enabled the abusers - this can be a huge, perhaps *unwelcome* reminder of our own scenarios no matter how long ago things happened. Or... it could look like there are people starting to stand up to mistreatment and abuse of other humans - and the huge misuse of power. It's ugly, and widespread. But we are not alone, you are not alone. Strength in numbers! #Metoo XX

Elphanigh · November 20, 2017, 03:48:48 PM

Hi there, honestly I get a mix of emotions and feelings as I read about it. I am glad that something is finally starting to be done but it is difficult to have so many constant reminders of what my life was for so many years

deptofhearts · November 20, 2017, 04:46:16 PM

Hi Elphanigh, yes i understand - its everywhere and so unfair when we more than likely had no support to deal with it, then and maybe even now. I am standing with you! XXX

Elphanigh · November 20, 2017, 05:57:27 PM

Glad you understand! I am lucky now to have proper support, but back then I certainly didn't. I am sitting with you now, hoping you also have gotten lucky enough to have some support

Andyman73 · November 29, 2017, 10:56:30 AM

Please don't be mad, okay?

This really bothers me.

I am voiceless and invisible.

I am unseen and unknown.

I'm not in the news, or social media.

I don't exist.

I am not real.

I am a man.

I am a survivor of adult SA by both male and female perps. Including my own wife.

There is no movement or hashtag for the likes of me.

What about me(too)?

Three Roses · November 29, 2017, 02:06:25 PM

Good insight, Andyman! IMO your experiences are worthy of the #metoo movement. You don't have to be separated into your own category unless you want.

deptofhearts · November 29, 2017, 02:12:03 PM

hi Andyman73, I hear you, and stand with you. This too is for you!!!! #youtoo are a #metoo and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I purposely kept it gender free as I know and have met so many amazing men who are struggling with their abuse and are also trying to find a place to be heard and feel support... well, its here! And a few other places too. But definitely not mad and I am sorry its so hard to be a man and to feel like you have to crack through the pressure of just "handling it", "manning up" and all those other toxic cultural weights that don't bring life. Glad you are here and thanks for adding to the comments X

Andyman73 · November 29, 2017, 09:17:34 PM

Quote from: Three Roses on November 29, 2017, 02:06:25 PM
Good insight, Andyman! IMO your experiences are worthy of the #metoo movement. You don't have to be separated into your own category unless you want.

Thank you 3Roses. I really appreciate you seeing me. I've seen other places where people were upset that some where trying to jump on the #metoo bandwagon. I know it was started for women to say "me too". And I don't want to take anything away from that. I think it's far beyond time to have public recognition on this global epidemic.

I don't want to be separated out. That has been my whole life. Always separated out. Never included. Not wanted. Picked last, or never picked at all.

Andyman73 · November 30, 2017, 06:18:36 PM

Quote from: deptofhearts on November 29, 2017, 02:12:03 PM
hi Andyman73, I hear you, and stand with you. This too is for you!!!! #youtoo are a #metoo and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I purposely kept it gender free as I know and have met so many amazing men who are struggling with their abuse and are also trying to find a place to be heard and feel support... well, its here! And a few other places too. But definitely not mad and I am sorry its so hard to be a man and to feel like you have to crack through the pressure of just "handling it", "manning up" and all those other toxic cultural weights that don't bring life. Glad you are here and thanks for adding to the comments X

Hi deptofhearts, thank you for standing with me. No body told me I wasn't, just, felt like it wasn't for me. Didn't want to jump on bandwagon that wasn't for me. I've been unseen, in other places, when I said that I've been there and done that too. So...I don't do that anymore. This stuff is hard enough as it is. And I understand if some can't have or refuse to allow that men are victimized too. It's acceptable that I was physically abused as a child. It's also acceptable that I was sexually abused as a child. There are organizations for that. It's not acceptable that I was sexually abused as an adult. That's why there aren't any organizations for men who were sexually abused as adults. Or the victim of DV relationship abuse, either. At least, not that I've been able to find.

I try to be very very careful to not inflate my own experience. I know how it feels, to be looked at like a freak or evil monster. Got that a few times at the local DV shelter, from some of the female clients. Nothing points out the obvious more than a look of horror and disdain. Felt guilty cuz I'm a guy, and most were there cuz of bad guys. Is okay though, some of wife's friends look at me that way too. I'm used to it

Blueberry · November 30, 2017, 08:59:07 PM

Andyman, I'm not following the #Metoo movement at all. But I can stand with you in empathy too because I suffered CSA at the hands of a woman, my mother. I have been not believed including by therapists a number of times. Ts have even asked if I was sure it wasn't my father. Yes, I am. It's hard. Safe

sanmagic7 · November 30, 2017, 09:47:16 PM

andy, and everyone else, my heart goes out to all of you. what's going on, all this sudden exposure of what's been happening to people by those with some kind of perceived power (literal or figurative) over them - i can't imagine how frustrating it's been for all of you to be afraid, to not be believed, to not be supported, and to get no closure.

love and hugs all around.

Dee · December 01, 2017, 02:10:37 AM

I've not followed it. It's private. I get the idea, but it isn't my choice.

Andyman73 · December 01, 2017, 02:08:14 PM

Quote from: Blueberry on November 30, 2017, 08:59:07 PM
Andyman, I'm not following the #Metoo movement at all. But I can stand with you in empathy too because I suffered CSA at the hands of a woman, my mother. I have been not believed including by therapists a number of times. Ts have even asked if I was sure it wasn't my father. Yes, I am. It's hard. Safe

I think the #metoo is on FB. Wife forced me off FB 8-9 years ago.
I've heard more than a handful of people say that too, that they were questioned if the abuser was their father and not their mothers, even though they had said it was their moms.

san,
Thank you. I never had to worry about being believed...I never knew, it was all suppressed. But what ever I was telling my parents...they never believed anything I said.

Kat · December 02, 2017, 03:35:33 AM

TRIGGER WARNING** Sexual harassment

As I'm seeing it, the #metoo movement mostly has to do with sexual harassment/assault in the workplace, but I could be narrowing the definition. Either way, it disgusts me, and I am completely bothered by each new story.

Today I was listening to a morning radio show and the DJ kept saying, "You can't give a woman a compliment anymore." He told a story about Mark Zuckerberg's wife being on a commercial flight where a man kept making lewd comments to her and touching her without her consent. The DJ's take was that it's impossible to "hit on" a woman any longer. Um...no. There's a BIG difference. It made me sick.

What's worse is that my husband is playing that game, too. What's bad about that is that he was there when I went through my own problems with sexual harassment in the workplace. We worked together. I was about 22-years-old and worked with a guy twice my age alone on Sundays. He would move in really close and put both hands up close to me and ask if he could get a little squeeze. He would ask me if I wanted a taste of his "big black mamba" and tell me about how his wife was too small to pleasure him. I reported it and was basically told that I should maybe stop wearing tight t-shirts (by a female human resources person) and that "he's a good guy" (by my male boss). They left me working alone with him even after I'd complained. Oh, and even after they talked to him, he kept it up...but this time a few feet from the boss as a show of "you can't touch me."

I know a gal who worked at Paramount Pictures. She recently posted a picture of herself and a friend to Facebook. A former colleague from Paramount said something about not wanting to sound like Harvey Weinstein, but then went on to point out how large her breasts looked. Really?

deptofhearts · December 08, 2017, 08:49:50 PM

*triggers ahead *
hi Kat - ahhh that sounds like a crappy situation, sorry your husband didn't back you up. Totally can relate to it all bothering you, myself having been affected by it... as a singer/musician I have been harassed, assaulted, raped and all kinds of sleazy guys (one stalking sleazy woman too) - they all felt at ease to do this. Usually with some authority too - and even speaking up, toppling these people from their position is very hard indeed. Having been abused as a kid already broke down my personal barriers and it was hard to stick up for myself and feel strong to stand up to it all. Its similar to being bullied and sadly becoming a magnet to other bullies in the future.
Soooo seeing these people speaking up and going into battle makes me happy! And angry! But mostly relieved. thanks for telling your workplace story, its hard. Am standing with you X