Stood up to manterruption

[I like vanilla]

Yesterday, I learned a new word 'manterruption': when a man speaks over top of a women as if she were not even there.

This happened to me at a seminar at work yesterday. During the Q&A several men asked questions of the male speaker; one of these men even taking up much more than his share of the Q&A time. Finally, there was a space for me to ask my question. Before I had gotten even half a sentence out, the speaker spoke right over the top of me, responding to the question that he thought I was asking rather than the question that I would have asked had I been allowed to speak. I spun into an emotional flashback and missed both his response 'to me' and the rest of the session. I left the session shaking and upset and went to hide in my office. Then, I got angry.

I went back to the seminar room. The speaker and some of the audience were still there, so I waited until he had moved away from the main group (almost chickening out but holding my ground). I then approached him and politely but assertively said 'I feel frustrated because I tried to ask a question but you interrupted me halfway through the sentence'. During this sentence he tried to jump in and interrupt me to make excuses, so I had to start the sentence again and repeat the whole thing. I could see him realizing that he had just done it again. I continued 'you let the men finish their questions but spoke right over me while I was talking. I need you to know that. I need you to be aware of that because I felt really dismissed.' Fortunately, this time he got it. He apologized for having spoken over me and thanked me for pointing it out to him. I am not sure that he fully got it but do think that he got it enough that he will take it away and think about it.

I feel so proud of myself for having done this. Partly, I am happy because the speaker teaches post-secondary classes and really does need to be aware that he does this because if he did it to me, a colleague, it is likely he is also doing so to his students who are somewhat lower on the arbitrary hierarchies that exist in academia (and the students are in much less position to object). Mostly, I am happy because that was REALLY difficult for me to do - I had to go and cry in the washroom afterward because it was so emotionally stressful to me. I am (re)realizing how strongly conditioned by my FOO I was that I both had the initial response to accept being spoken over as if my voice does not matter, and that it was also so difficult to speak up to an older man about his poor behaviour. In my family my NM was the largest, most obvious problem and speaking up against her was lethal. But, I was also raised in a 'father knows best' household (all of us ignored mother behind the scenes), and had a father who would explode in vicious rage-filled temper tantrums when thwarted by someone lower on the hierarchy than he was. So, to stand up to someone who is so much like my father was particularly difficult and I DID IT. And I know that I was right to do it. I feel no guilt or regret, just proud of myself for standing up for myself. I DID IT!

[Three Roses]

This is huge!! Good job, you!

[Contessa]

Great job Vanilla, and thank you for sharing that xo

A good reminder for anyone on what social manners are

[Blueberry]

  Vanilla! That's huge! 

I learned a new word today too, thank you. If there's a word for it then it's a known concept, I'm thinking. So also thank you for standing up for other women with this brave stance.

I hope you're feeling better now and not under so much emotional stress. 

[Andyman73]

Wow!!!!! That is incredibly awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am so proud of you!!!!!!

So that's what that's called...mannterruption. Nice...I am probably guilty of that, not sure.

[Contessa]

I know I'm guilty of interrupting manterruptors, it's most likely become a habit

[Andyman73]

I know I'm guilty of interrupting manterruptors, it's most likely become a habit

Wow!!! Yeah!!! Sweet!!! Beating them at their own game!!!!

Personally....my experience....future axw is always cutting me off...doesn't even hear what I'm trying to say, but cuts me off to tell me how I'm wrong. And when I call her out on it....tells me she don't care, and whatever I'm trying to say doesn't matter, cuz I don't, and other things I won't repeat here.  Sometimes in the past she has told me that I never talk about stuff...yeah. because she has made it abundantly clear that I don't matter to her. So I don't have a voice in my own house.

[AphoticAtramentous]

Wow. Bravo!  I don't think I could ever do that! Geez, you are amazing. Haha! Well done! It's really awesome that you were able to speak up for yourself like that.

[RedRat]

Cool  you scored on there! Congrats!