Another newbie!

[aliasgrace]

Hi there,

Thank you for having me, and what a great website and online community. I have never joined a forum before, but as soon as I learned about Complex PTSD recently, my life and my experiences make so much more sense. It seems odd that I am only learning about C-PTSD, given my past 25 years of enthusiastic therapy and intellectual curiosity. I completely agree with John Briere regarding misdiagnoses. Over the past few years, I've questioned whether all of my diagnoses were "only" trauma-related as I've primarily been asymptomatic of the anxiety disorder diagnosed at 15, the bipolar theorized at 20 and apparently confirmed at 25 after a full-fledged "manic" episode, and even more officially tested at 30 with Anxiety, PTSD, and, shockingly Borderline but also shockingly, no bipolar. I now believe the Borderline was a manifestation of the new abuse I experienced at my now-identified Narcissistic and Sociopath husband (by our marriage counselor). 

Even writing this is exhausting.

I left my toxic partner a few months ago and am not sure where I am in my path to recovery. I now know that I am an empath with C-PTSD but none of the other things, who just got out of a 6 year abusive relationship. I am safe with a job but quite nomadic/somewhat homeless and trying to heal in a way that my partnership with alcohol is impeding.

Although I am new to the term C-PTSD, I've come quite far in my recovery and although not fully recovered, I am happy to chat with anyone who relates as my recovery has been primarily lonely, but there's still been a fair amount of recovery that I have been able to pursue. I actually have come quite far, and there really is hope. I can discuss extreme anxiety, suicide, pro-longed suicide-ideation (17+ years for me), childhood sexual abuse, therapy, family dynamics (tho, not very good as after I left my H, I am no longer talking to any of my parents as I have finally developed an intolerance to toxic people), and as noted by having chosen to marry a NPD/Sociopath, boundaries aren't my thing. Yes, sick joke, apologies. But I will be somewhat unabashed, that I prefer to live on the edge, keep life spontaneous and life absent of shame.

Best.
Alias Grace

[Three Roses]

Welcome! You'll find this place unique in its ability to let you talk about issues that the rest of the world doesn't want to hear about. Tons of info on a huge array of issues, lots of people who can relate to your experiences...before I found this forum I felt like a different species, an alien. This is the first time I feel like I have a group of people I totally belong with. Hope you have the same experience! Thanks for joining!

[AphoticAtramentous]

Welcome to the forum, Aliasgrace. ^-^ I'm glad you're out of the toxic relationship and relatively safe now. Hope to hear more from you.

[sanmagic7]

welcome, aliasgrace. 

i don't quite know where i am in recovery, either.  sometimes it's more up, sometimes not so much.  but, progress is key, and you'll get a lot of support to help you with that.  glad you're out of that relationship.  i'm a recovering alcoholic, so i know a bit about that part, too.  very glad you're here.

[Andyman73]

Alias Grace,
Welcome! I've yet to leave my future axw, who is quite narcissistic and abusive. In a few months hence, just shy of our 19th anniversary, I hope to have left her. That is my plan, anyway.

I can chat about a wide range of abuses as well. Including long term sui ideation, since 1994.

I am also sober since May 1995.

I am happy to hear you made it out of your dv marriage. 🌺💐🌸

[ah]

Hi aliasgrace 

I know that feeling too, when I found out about c-ptsd a few months ago it felt like hundreds of unanswered questions were all answered. Not a happy answer, but one I couldn't deny. Finally I feel like there's something I can do about my pain. Maybe.

Here's to unabashed life on the edge. 

(After all, where else could we be? C-ptsd has already brought us to the edge anyway...)

[goth_mike]

Welcome!

Yup I can relate to how it feels like such a weight was lifted from my mind when I finally found something that completely "fitted", and what's more is repairable, after years of being told that (effectively) my brain was simply defective in various ways.

Am dealing with alcohol also (among a couple of other addictions) and an working on them, but I have decided to shift focus mainly to recovery of my memories and the creation of a genuine sense of "self", because I began finding that as these things become stronger, my compulsion to drink / take drugs seems to naturally shrink and is becoming easier to control.

It's great to hear you have done so well, your story-so-far gives me hope for my own progress!

Thanks for sharing!