The elephant in the room

[Dee]

I feel like I really need to share something with my therapist.  I have even gotten so far as telling her that.  I've tried three times now and settled on something else to discuss.  Today I told her I couldn't think about what she said, because I was thinking about what I haven't said.  We talked about a poem, drawing, writing.  I feel it is the heart of my guilt and my feelings of responsibility.   It has to come out, I just can't get there.  It is putting the thing on the table that I feel the most horrible about.  Another week and I'll try a fourth time.  Therapy is hard.

[Blueberry]

  Dee

Sometimes it's too early to say, even if we want to. Often my body tells me or my brain-fog.

Therapy is really hard and IMO you've been contending with so much just the time I've been here on the forum (not to mention before of course), not so surprising that it is really hard to get the thing on the table.

[Rainagain]

I've done the same thing, circled round and round something I couldn't tackle. Talked about anything but what needed to be talked about.
I still feel ashamed of myself just remembering.

This is a mad idea. You could write it down, fold up the paper and literally put it on the table at the start of the next session.

You could leave it behind at the end, hand it over during the session to be read immediately or put it back in your pocket and take it away with you unread.

[Three Roses]

Therapy is very difficult. I would even get dizzy sometimes, the room would spin from just talking about stuff.

with you all the way

[sanmagic7]

i also thought of writing it down.  maybe that could even be a first step for you, dee.  see if you can even write it down, make it tangible.  then you can decide if you want to go further, when, how, all that stuff.

you're absolutely right, therapy can be very, very hard.  after all, we're searching into the darkest corners of our beings to bring the muck out into the light.  take your time, sweetie.  your pace, your space.  it will come out when you're ready.   

[Jazzy]

That's terrible Dee! Hopefully you come to some resolution you are at peace with soon.

I agree that writing it down is a good first step. With it being such a difficult thing for you, perhaps taking small steps will help. A lot of times we don't see that something can be done in many small steps, instead of one leap. I know I make this oversight a lot in my life. I encourage you to write it down, and try to feel accomplished that you have taken a step forward. If you can take it with you to therapy immediately, great! If you can't, that is totally fine. That can be another step you can be proud of later. You don't need to show it to your therapist as soon as you bring it, if that is too difficult either.

Another thing that might be helpful is to try to realize things are okay! Whatever it is, it's okay. A lot of times I get so worked up over something, but in time I learn to deal with it, and I realize later that it would have been easier if I was less emotional about it. Sometimes when I'm really upset, I just repeat to myself over and over "it's okay!" I don't mean to diminish what you've been through, but to point out that you as a person are bigger than whatever it is. One of the beauties of life is that we are still experiencing it, and that means things can still improve!

If you're comfortable with it, please keep us informed on how it goes. I'll be cheering for you! 

[Dee]

Thanks everyone.  My appointment is tomorrow morning and honestly, I got nowhere.  I didn't write it, draw it, or anything.  It wasn't for a lack of effort.  I am hoping she can get me there tomorrow.  She knows there is something, she knows I am struggling to disclose.  She is expecting me to bring something in.  Maybe she can help. 

[Three Roses]

I'm wondering if you can find someone else's story online that's similar, and print it out for her...?

[Dee]

It's a good idea that I hadn't considered.  I'll see what I can find.

Thank you!

[sanmagic7]

hope it goes well, dee.  all the best.  sending a hug filled with strength and courage.

[Dee]

I did it, or at least got it across and there will be more conversation.  I left exhausted, totally wiped out.   I need a nap....

[Blueberry]

I did it, or at least got it across

I often need a nap after therapy too. I'm often wiped out. 

[Jazzy]

Congratulations! That's awesome of you! You certainly deserve a nap, perhaps even to reward yourself after the session.

Thanks for letting us know how it went!

[sanmagic7]

so glad for you, dee.  that was a lot of work, carrying that elephant and dumping it in your session.  not surprising you're exhausted.  you go, girl.   love and hugs.

[Dee]

Does anyone know why such exhaustion exist after a big emotional drain?

Thank you for your support.  It is in a way, a relief.  I didn't feel that way right away, but I do now.