Taking a Step...

[lovemeinfocus]

I've written this post three times now. Each time that I've gone to hit "post", I've faltered and closed out of the browser.

It's funny, actually, because internet forums like this used to be what I defaulted to when I found myself alone and scared and lacking in connection...but now, after a lifetime of quiet but insidious emotional abuse and neglect that is slowly coming to light, I am hesitating, even though I'm supposed to be surrounded by people here who are walking roads that are parallel to the one I'm currently walking.

I want connection. I want to feel it for myself and foster it with others. I want to share kindness and laughter and whatever insights I might be carrying. I want to hear others when they're hurting and try and find a way to build bridges between the isolated islands we seem to find ourselves on so very, very often.

But I am terrified, and feel entirely undeserving of any of those things.

So, in a radical attempt at bravery that I'm not particularly known for...I'll hit post, and come back to my roots (so to speak).

Hi. I'm Amanda. What else do I have to lose?

[Tracer]

Welcome aboard Amanda.  And congrats on pushing thru.  In the end, I expect that the only thing you have to lose are the false ideas that have brought you here.  Probably be some discomfort along the way, but also worthwhile rewards too.

This is my first post to the forum as well, so I'm going on conjecture and expectations myself. 

[Three Roses]

Welcome aboard, both of you!!

[Rainagain]

Well done for posting both of you.

We are all in the same boat so don't worry.

I've learnt so much about my symptoms so quickly on here its amazing.

[Kat]

Hey, all!  Welcome Loveme and Traces!  I'm so glad you've found your way here.  I look forward to getting to know more about both of you when you are ready.  You've done a hugely courageous thing, so breathe a sigh of relief and pat yourself on the back.

[Dee]

Welcome to both!

Congratulations for taking that leap.  It was brave.

[Blueberry]

Welcome Lovemeinfocus and Traceso'life 

[sanmagic7]

welcome loveme and traces - so very glad you made it here.

taking that first step - well, it's a doozy.  but, you did it, and congrats to you.  i've found so much support, generosity and kindness here, it's been wonderful.

hoping to hear more from you - if and when you care to share.  we're here for you.

[lovemeinfocus]

Took me a couple days to tiptoe my way back.

A sincere and heartfelt thank you to all of you.

[Blueberry]

Well done you, for tiptoeing back.

[Jazzy]

  Hiya!  Congratulations on your first posts. It's a huge step. Welcome!

[goth_mike]

Welcome!  It took me quite a while of looking around on the forum to break through the fear and post for the first time too!

It might only seem a simple mouse-click to some people, but the giant leap you both have taken can never be underestimated, and even better, you have demonstrated a courage to yourself which cannot be taken away.  Congratulations!