University problems

BlancaLap · December 04, 2017, 10:20:45 AM

Actually, I didn't know where this post should be since there is no university category, so I decided to put it here.

I get really dizzy at the university. I have headaches, stomach aches, I feel like my head is spinning and spinning, and I get or super anxious or completely numb. Maybe I think about everything, or maybe I'm unable to think about anything. Sometimes I have to go to the bathroom like 6 times or more. Maybe I'm unable to think about what to do in every situation because I analyze it again and again or I act impulsively without thinking the consequences...
Sometimes I'm able to fake a convincing smile, sometimes my muscles don't respond and I'm unable to smile at all...
Sometimes I feel so sick I have to go to my house...

Blueberry · December 06, 2017, 10:10:03 PM

I'm sorry you (sometimes?) feel so bad at uni! Sounds as if it could be an EF.

BlancaLap · December 07, 2017, 12:03:38 PM

Blueberry: actually, it's all the time, but thanks. Yeah, I think it could be an EF too.
A year ago, when I was able to get out of my dissociation, and while I was in the university, I didn't have headaches or stomach aches, or dizziness... but I have this alarm in my head. It was like an alarm with a flashing red light that used to shout: DANGER, DANGER, GET OUT OF HERE. I think now that I suppress my emotions I have headaches, but back then I had the real emotions...

Jazzy · December 08, 2017, 05:43:56 AM

That must be really difficult to deal with BlancaLap! I hope it gets better for you soon.

You said you get super anxious, the other things you describe could be symptoms of extreme anxiety. I'm really concerned, because it sounds like it has been getting worse for a long time. It used to be an alarm, and now it has progressed to physical symptoms. I think you should work on this to get back to a healthier level, at least back to an alarm.

When I was at university, they had a great mental health program (they partnered with a medical focused university). Hopefully you can take advantage of something like that too! I would talk to a doctor about it if you haven't already. I don't want to scare you, but I don't want the physical symptoms to get even worse either.

I really hope you make some progress on this. Your studies will be far more interesting when you can focus on them properly! They will be a lot easier with better focus too. Like Blueberry says, it could be an EF. Anxiety usually has an underlying cause of some sort.

BlancaLap · December 08, 2017, 10:38:10 AM

I know it is an EF, and I know why. The alarm thing was there when I could get out of my dissociation, but now I can't, so I have this symptoms instead. I just wish I could feel like I'm safe now...

Blueberry · December 08, 2017, 08:11:00 PM

Quote from: BlancaLap on December 07, 2017, 12:03:38 PM
Blueberry: actually, it's all the time

Oh no! I'm really sorry about that. That's got to be really tough to deal with and to face every day.

Jazzy · December 08, 2017, 08:20:25 PM

Yikes, that sounds like a conundrum!

It's great that you've been able to identify what's happening and why though, that's an important first step.

Do you have an action plan laid out that you are following in order to feel like you're safe now?

BlancaLap · December 08, 2017, 09:20:12 PM

Quote from: Blueberry on December 08, 2017, 08:11:00 PM
Quote from: BlancaLap on December 07, 2017, 12:03:38 PM
Blueberry: actually, it's all the time

Oh no! I'm really sorry about that. That's got to be really tough to deal with and to face every day.

Yeah, it is.

Quote from: Jazzy on December 08, 2017, 08:20:25 PM
Yikes, that sounds like a conundrum!

It's great that you've been able to identify what's happening and why though, that's an important first step.

Do you have an action plan laid out that you are following in order to feel like you're safe now?

I try to stay in the present and try to figure out what to do, but I don't have any plan apart from going to my T and talk...

Jazzy · December 08, 2017, 11:45:27 PM

QuoteI try to stay in the present and try to figure out what to do, but I don't have any plan apart from going to my T and talk...

Well, that's really good!

Is it helpful for you?

BlancaLap · December 09, 2017, 11:51:11 AM

Quote from: Jazzy on December 08, 2017, 11:45:27 PM
QuoteI try to stay in the present and try to figure out what to do, but I don't have any plan apart from going to my T and talk...

Well, that's really good! Is it helpful for you?

I don't have much success, but I guess it is

Jazzy · December 09, 2017, 07:52:18 PM

BlancaLap, you sound very discouraged to me, maybe even starting to feel hopeless. Am I right about this, or am I reading in to things that aren't there? I hope you work through this. I'm cheering for you!

BlancaLap · December 09, 2017, 08:40:51 PM

Quote from: Jazzy on December 09, 2017, 07:52:18 PM
BlancaLap, you sound very discouraged to me, maybe even starting to feel hopeless. Am I right about this, or am I reading in to things that aren't there? I hope you work through this. I'm cheering for you!

The truth is I don't know how I feel, but thanks for the cheering

RedRat · December 10, 2017, 10:37:19 PM

I hope you will keep up and get better at some point. At least you are still going to university. It might not look like much but under the conditions you are facing and how your parents treat you it's quite something you can be proud of. I know it might sound shallow but if it helps you are not alone in this. I skipped university often and I am not proud of it. I would bet there are many more who have a hard time to handle going there for various reasons. You are having a rough time but you are still there and giving your best. It might not look like much at the first glance but it is quite something.

BlancaLap · December 10, 2017, 11:05:52 PM

Quote from: RedRat on December 10, 2017, 10:37:19 PM
I hope you will keep up and get better at some point. At least you are still going to university. It might not look like much but under the conditions you are facing and how your parents treat you it's quite something you can be proud of. I know it might sound shallow but if it helps you are not alone in this. I skipped university often and I am not proud of it. I would bet there are many more who have a hard time to handle going there for various reasons. You are having a rough time but you are still there and giving your best. It might not look like much at the first glance but it is quite something.

Thanks, I appreciate that.