Being an Aunt

[Elphanigh]

I was unsure of where to post this so I figured the general discussion session might be wise. If I am wrong, please feel free to move it or let me know.

I found myself really excited to get the news that my S is having a girl. This is going to be my first niece (abbreviation for this?). However, after this excited was a wave of concern and realization. That little girl will grow up in the same world that I did. She will live only about 15 miles from where I grew up. Her parents will be different, but I know mine will be very involved. My M has changed some but not fully. I realize that I am scared for her to grow up in this world. I am scared to let her be so close to that place, it always bothered me with my cousins but not to this extent.

I live far away from my FOO and that gap will only grow larger in the coming years. This realization hit because I won't be there to protect her. I will visit and be the cool aunt from afar... but I will never get to protect my niece. It isn't my job, but some of the old feelings that I had attached to my S come out. Matter of fact that is a realization in itself... I am attaching old feelings from having to protect my S onto my future niece. They told me her name today, and somehow it makes it more real, and scary.

Anyone ever experience this?

[Three Roses]

I don't have experience here but wanted you to know I hear you. If I found out I was going to be an aunt, I can see where it may trigger me a little.  Hugs to you, you most def will be the very cool aunt! 

[Libby12]

Hi Elphanigh.

I have a neice in her late teens, daughter of my GC sister.  When she was younger,  I didn't worry about her, but as I got to grips with all the dysfunction in my foo,  I did start to worry.

As my sister was enmeshed GC, she decided that her daughter was "granny's girl".  My parents drove about 100 miles each week to care for her while her own parents were working.  Nm started saying things like " she is just like me, so worried about what she wears."  This little girl wasn't worried and knew exactly what she liked to wear. In itself,  this doesn't seem of much concern. However, nm always said to, and about me, how much I was like her etc.  Even as a young child,  I felt uncomfortable with this, as if I didn't want to be like her, and just wanted to be like myself!

I truly believe, now I have more understanding,  that she was grooming my niece for her own needs, just like she had done with me.

Fortunately,  GC sister and family moved abroad when neice was just a toddler.  I think this saved her from my nm.  Interestingly, despite it always being said that she would study law like both her parents,  she is actually doing a degree in psychology.   Both my dd and I did psychology degrees and it was very frowned upon by my foo.  I so wonder what made her choose this and how my foo reacted.

My neice is in contact with my dd on social media.  I am pleased about this and like to hear that she is doing well.

Hope you can enjoy being an aunt.

Libby

[Elphanigh]

Thank you both for the replies. It is helping validate this but also helps me worry a bit less