Unable to trust

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BlancaLap

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Unable to trust
« on: December 14, 2017, 08:25:19 PM »
It seems like people in our condition are unable to trust others (for obvious reasons). I'm not sure how to express this in english but in spanish we have something called "tener confianzas" or "tomar confianzas" (in english it would be something like "have confidences") which is a bad thing. It is disrespectful, it is like acting with "too much confidence". It is usually something people do with the insecure people. They "mock" them, they "pull the wool over eyes" (I just used google translate LOL). It is something they don't do with the people who are not insecure. It is not that they have confidence with the other person, it is more like a way to have fun, to make fun. This is something that destroys real trust and real confidence. I don't have confidence with anybody, but I have confidences, and I hate it. I don't want to act this way, but it is the closest thing I have to real trust, even if it isn't. Real trust needs years to form. It is something I don't have with anybody, and I think it is something that defines us. I think we (the people with C-PTSD) didn't have anyone to really rely on, to trust, at least when we were young, and that's something that contribute to our C-PTSD. Do someone want to share their story with trust and confidences?

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Andyman73

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Re: Unable to trust
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2017, 12:24:22 AM »
Well, not having any friends IRL count as not trusting?  Last one I called friend died 14 years ago and wasnít my friend really. Was twin brotherís friend. I just borrowed him for a little bit.  But last one that was truly my friend, was in Kindergarten. That was 1979.  Couldnít trust enough to try to make others. Besides they all thought something wrong with me anyway.

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Libby12

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Re: Unable to trust
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2017, 08:51:28 AM »
Trust is such a huge issue and definitely at the bottom of so many of my issues.

I am sure you are right,  BlancaLap.  I can't see how you can trust anyone, or believe that they have your best interests at heart, when you know that your own parents never did.  This is certainly the case for me.  I am lucky that I trust my husband and grown-up children,  but that is as far as it goes.  I have never had any real friends,  have never felt I belonged. 

I don't seek belonging at all now, because I cannot trust that people won't hurt me. They always seem too, so as well as not trusting them, I don't trust myself, it must be something about me that people don't think I am worthy, so it is really hard. 

I accept where I am socially,  but it is hard not to be able to trust anyone,  even doctors,  therapists etc.  It's also so difficult to trust tradesmen,  salespeople, whatever.  I am always convinced that they are out to mislead or even defraud me!! I mostly leave everything to my husband to deal with.

Being unable to trust makes the world a very scary place,  and at the moment,  for me, it is just too much of a risk.

Sorry for this hi-jack,  BlancaLap,  but I am intrigued to ask Andyman something.

Andyman, do you think that being a twin impacted on your cptsd development at all? I have twin sons in their twenties and one is showing many signs of cptsd,  including an extreme distrust of people. 

Thanks for listening,

Libby.

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Andyman73

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Re: Unable to trust
« Reply #3 on: December 15, 2017, 06:12:21 PM »
Libby,

I have no clue...but there was one thing. During one of my first csa/r, when I was still 2 years old. My twin and I were separated between two different families for 4 days. My baby brother was hospitalized with meningitis and fever of 106degreesF.  This was the first and only time I know of, that we were ever separated for babysitting or watching. He went to family with kids, I went to older couple, maybe older teen kids or none at all....but he....him bad bad man. hurt me...hut me down there, back there. hut.

So...abandoned by parents, separated from twin brother, csa/r by monster...in man shape. We 3 sons, lived in same house when mommy dearest went psycho...abusing me physically, and all, mentally and verbally. So...they got some...

Don't know beyond that, Libby. Hope it helps .

Andy  :phoot: