Locus of control

[Kizzie]

It's hard for me to sit with other people's pain without immediately trying to "fix" or "control" the situation.

Me as well. I'm working on just letting people feel what they while letting them know I care - way easier said than done sometimes,  but I'm coming to see it's more respectful of the other person.

Welcome back by the way Spryte, I wondered where you had gone. 

[spryte]

Hey Kizzie!

Just wandered off into the real world for a while. This is by far the best resource I have though for trying to work out the things that I'm struggling with and I need to use it much more. I've definitely been spreading the word about this place far and wide though!

On the subject of sitting with other people's pain though...man, I am having the WORST time doing this with a really good friend right now. Her situation is SO awful, and there's just nothing that can be done about it, other than just being there for her...but there are times that the awfulness of it all...honestly, I think when I refrain from trying to give her advice about it, or "fix" it, and just sit with it, it nearly drowns me. I literally get dizzy, and nearly pass out. It's happened several times lately and I just don't know what to do about it. I almost feel like I need a "safeword" in conversation with her, so we can change topics but we JUST had a different conversation about how we interact that had to do with me being talked over and interrupted that was really hard to have and here I am managing her feelings again, not wanting to pile this issue on so soon after the other one. Ug, interacting with people is so freaking hard.

[Kizzie]

I think a safe word might be a good idea   

JK, that's great you are setting boundaries with her - so important to recovery I'm finding.  MY PD FOO would talk over top of me and I hated it. Best day ever was when I had 'the talk' with my NPDM about not doing that any more and about conversation being a two-way street. She may not have understood it but she learned to abide by it.And iIt didn't mean she was able to be part of any reciprocal conversation in any meaningful way, but at least I didn't feel exhausted by her ongoing stream of consciousness talking.    It was kind of like a feeling of drowning now that I think of it.