Letter to my friend

Started by songbirdrosa, February 11, 2018, 06:10:16 AM

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songbirdrosa

A friend who I'm trying to go NC with contacted me again yesterday, and I wrote this in response. I may yet send it, but with amendments.

***

I felt that I couldn't say everything I need to in a text, so I'm writing an email instead. I need to make myself absolutely clear and don't want anything to get lost in the abridgement texts require.

You've been a good friend for the most part, but your behaviour recently has caused an increasing number of issues. I can't be what you seemingly demand, and my exhortations of that fact have continually fallen on deaf ears. Sure, you'll apologise and let up for a while, but it doesn't take long before you go back to exactly the way it was. I honestly can't trust that you're not going to do that again. This ceaseless back and forth is exhausting and I'd be lying if I said that you leaning on me so heavily hadn't contributed to my breakdown a few weeks ago.

I can't stress enough that I'm still broken. Not just from the past few years, but from my entire life. I need every little piece of strength I have just to make it through an ordinary day sometimes. In other words, I can't give it to you. I can't walk you through this baby step by baby step. I can't keep trying to explain everything in minute detail. I can't withstand the emotional rollercoaster. And I've told you all of this before.

In light of this, and on the advice of every professional I've spoken to about it, I feel that I have no other option but to again ask you to leave me alone. I'm very grateful for what you've done for me in the last few years, but this has been a step too far. I'm not in a place where I can safely support someone else, and I don't think you are either. You need to get better. And so do I. But I feel that can't happen if this continues the way it is.

I don't want you to apologise again, or to make a bunch of excuses. If you can't think of anything to say, then don't say anything. All I ask is that you respect my needs. I wish you the very best with your walk going ahead.

Blueberry

songbird,

I just want to say that I've read it. Good on you for writing! :applause:  I hope writing it lessens your SI/SH impulse.

You deserve to be heard and it seems this friend hasn't been hearing you. You deserve to keep your strength for you and your healing.

Contessa

Oh wow songbird. Very well written and powerful.

Good on you for asserting your needs, I hope this person is able to respect them from here on out.
:hug: